Respect

Every day I am gain more and more respect for Brian. He is such a godly man.

• He is persevering in a job he calls a catbox. (Everyone is covering up their own *&^%$.)
• He will be starting a new season in his career soon - and he is so excited to learn!
• He has been my source of strength in dealing with Jay.
• He is always striving to make things better.
• He is a fantastic Dad.
• He loves the Lord, even though we are going through the fire right now.
• He loves me (and I'm not always lovable!).

I am so blessed to be his wife.

Honest Prayer

My Scripture today is 1 Samuel 1:10 - "In bitterness of soul Hannah wept much and prayed to the Lord."

It was so cool to be reminded that God doesn't mind if we are mad at Him, He welcomes our prayers. He will take away our tears.

Later on it goes on to say God granted Hannah the request of her heart. Just as I know God will answer the desires of my heart. Psalm 37:4 says "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart."

So all the tears I have shed recently and all the times I have been mad at God - it is okay. He will answer my prayers as I continue to seek Him.

Rough Day

It was a rough day at work today. My mind was not on work stuff. I lost $400,000 while trying to balance an account (added an extra zero....), sent the same email out three times, did negotiate a payment plan though.

One of my coworkers stopped by my office. We were chatting about work, then he said, "You seem really down, is everything okay?" Since he has a child similar to Jay I gave him the Reader's Digest version of what is going on. He listened. More importantly - he said - "Don't ever let the behavior of one child make you think you and Brian and not good parents."

It was encouraging and eye-opening to hear from someone who doesn't know me well.

The greatest thing I am learning through all of this is how very much I love my husband. He is so strong. I can't wait until he gets home so I can have a hug!!

A Critical Spirit

As we have been walking through the fire, God has been revealing to me areas of my life where I need to change.

One of the biggest is a critical spirit. Over the past few weeks I have been working on this. Trying to look at things the way God does, not the way Vicki thinks they should be.

My heart is grieved at the people I have hurt when my intentions were good. My prayer is those closest to me will see a change for the positive. I can't undo spoken words. But hopefully, I can start speaking words of life into those I love so much.

While I have really detested the last six weeks of my life. I am a better woman today, I am more like Jesus. He has burned off some of the things in my life that were detracting from my Lord. I am being refined for His glory.

Roller Coaster Day

That is the only way to describe yesterday. Brian and I slept in then grabbed some breakfast before heading to an orientation at Teen Challenge.

We are hoping and praying this is the avenue Jay will choose (more on this later). They have an amazing organization. They have helped millions of people over the past 51 years. In many ways it was eye opening.

We then buzzed to Brian's eye doctor appointment - yes, he will be wearing glasses. But he looks good (though I think he looks good all the time!!).

Then it was time to visit Jay. We went to Aurora. He seemed glad to see us. But he is still angry, wanted to know why we wouldn't let him come home, he was putting up roadblocks about Teen Challenge. (He can't have piercings or smoke and it is a one year commitment.) We left him the paperwork, it is his choice on what he does at this point. I cried as we left but understand this is the BEST thing for everyone.

Well then we decided to go look at manufactured homes. Our dream is in two years to buy a piece of property and put a home on it. We fell in love with the first one we walked into!! It is fun to share a dream.

We had picked out the house, so we went looking for property!! We had a great time looking for property. It is kind of interesing how something so trivial can be so much fun.....

We grabbed some dinner and headed home. We then watched the movie - Fireproof. It was thought provoking. It led to some good conversation - we agree that while we are in the fire right now - our marriage is fireproof.

God is very good to me.

Jay

Jay thinks we hate him. Actually the decisions we have made over the past few days have been because we love him so much.

Instead of letting him come home - he has gone to a treatment facility. We don't have contact with him. We are putting him in God's hands and trusting the promise in Romans 8:28 - And we know in all things God works for the good of those who love him who have been called according to his purpose.

When I was pregnant with Jay we prayed over him. We have prayed for him all through the years. He knows the truth and he will return to the truth.

This is tough - but it is the best thing for everyone.

Protected

Today I felt protected. The car problems we had coming home from Laughlin continued. So I drove about six miles, realized it and turned around but didn't get far. Called Brian at 6:00am. He and David came and got me. Then he spent the morning replacing the alternator.

I love being married to this man. We are friends. We are lovers. We talk and we laugh. Sometimes we even fight! I can hardly believe it will be 20 years in November. I can't wait to see what the next 20 will bring!

Over the course of the years I am realizing sometimes we are closer, others we are futher apart. Life happens. I am so encouraged for him to start his new job so we can spend more time together.

Scripture is so beautiful as it portrays Jesus' relationship with the church as a marriage, a covenant. A promise before God where there is no option of leaving. Perhaps it is through the tough times we grow the most. We are in a tough time now - but the blessing is coming soon!