It has been awhile since I blogged. The few days after we returned were busy with Brian's elbow. Thank you Lord it is healing (though still painful).
Brian started his new job on Tuesday. He seems to reallly like it though the ten hour days in a classroom are wearing him out! It is fun to fix him breakfast and pray together before we leave for work.
I am so weary. There are so many situations going on in our lives right now that I just don't understand. I am trying so hard to be faithful and peaceful - but the enemy is attacking with gusto.
One of the hardest things I am dealing with is watching those I love make bad decisions, especially when they know the truth. They know obedience to God is the only way to receive blessings. And I am caught in the crossfire. The bad decisions of others are bringing me down (and probably holding blessings from me).
Through it all, through it all I've learned to trust in Jesus, I've learned to trust in God. He will be there for me. He will carry my burdens (Psalm 68:19).
And I am learning to pray at a deeper level - the level where it hurts. Jesus is making me a little bit more like Him.
I will be very glad when this season of our lives is over. Brian and I have a wonderful future full of grace and peace.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
A Peaceful Weekend
Brian and I had a wonderful four days up in Laughlin. We left early Friday morning and came home Monday afternoon. We had no specific plans, just hung out - gambled a little, went to Oatman, laid out on the beach, watched some movies. Just spent time together.
The only sad part is Brian has an infection in his elbow. The doctor put him on some heavy duty antibiotics. One of the side effects is having to use the bathroom, sometimes suddenly!!
We came home so he could have it drained, while it still hurts - Dr. Doug is very encouraged though he said it could take several weeks to heal.
Brian has a physical agility test on Thursday. I know God is going to give him the strength to score well.
I am beginning to realize I need to take more time to relax, just do nothing. Spend time with the people I love, rest in God. Give more encouragement, more hugs, more love.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Too close
The last few days have been emotional.
One of our good friends, Dan Goddard, almost died. He had a blot clot in his right leg. They operated twice in two days. The doctors said it was a miracle the blood clot dissolved. (We know better!).
We had the privilege of seeing him on Sunday afternoon. He shared how he had a lot of time to think, to put his house in order. Jay and David were with us and Dan really laid down the line to them. All of us were in tears.
Brian and Dan are crazy together - they are truly twin sons of different mothers. Both of them love Jesus so much. They both are on the verge of doing amazingly great things for God. Both of them are under massive spiritual warfare. They both are doing to make it through to the glory of God.
Not only that, but Dan has an incredible relationship with Jay and David. They respect him, love him and truly value what he thinks.
It brings tears to my eyes to think of how close we came to losing him. I am going to spend time appreciating those around me, telling them how much I love them and thanking God for the blessings He has bestowed on me.
One of our good friends, Dan Goddard, almost died. He had a blot clot in his right leg. They operated twice in two days. The doctors said it was a miracle the blood clot dissolved. (We know better!).
We had the privilege of seeing him on Sunday afternoon. He shared how he had a lot of time to think, to put his house in order. Jay and David were with us and Dan really laid down the line to them. All of us were in tears.
Brian and Dan are crazy together - they are truly twin sons of different mothers. Both of them love Jesus so much. They both are on the verge of doing amazingly great things for God. Both of them are under massive spiritual warfare. They both are doing to make it through to the glory of God.
Not only that, but Dan has an incredible relationship with Jay and David. They respect him, love him and truly value what he thinks.
It brings tears to my eyes to think of how close we came to losing him. I am going to spend time appreciating those around me, telling them how much I love them and thanking God for the blessings He has bestowed on me.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Hope
Yesterday Brian resigned. It is a good thing. He won't start his new position until the end of April. We can spend the next two and a half weeks resting, healing and growing.
Just looking at his face, he is already more relaxed, like a huge weight is off of his shoulders. It is good.
It would be easy to get mad at God for not allowing this to come through last summer; but I know Brian needed to be where he was to expose the darkness and evil. While nothing may change immediately - a seed planted and watered will bloom.
The next few weeks will be wonderful. BTW - I am hopelessly in love with my husband!!
Just looking at his face, he is already more relaxed, like a huge weight is off of his shoulders. It is good.
It would be easy to get mad at God for not allowing this to come through last summer; but I know Brian needed to be where he was to expose the darkness and evil. While nothing may change immediately - a seed planted and watered will bloom.
The next few weeks will be wonderful. BTW - I am hopelessly in love with my husband!!
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Respect
Every day I am gain more and more respect for Brian. He is such a godly man.
- He is persevering in a job he calls a catbox. (Everyone is covering up their own *&^%$.)
- He will be starting a new season in his career soon - and he is so excited to learn!
- He has been my source of strength in dealing with Jay.
- He is always striving to make things better.
- He is a fantastic Dad.
- He loves the Lord, even though we are going through the fire right now.
- He loves me (and I'm not always lovable!).
I am so blessed to be his wife.
Honest Prayer
My Scripture today is 1 Samuel 1:10 - "In bitterness of soul Hannah wept much and prayed to the Lord."
It was so cool to be reminded that God doesn't mind if we are mad at Him, He welcomes our prayers. He will take away our tears.
Later on it goes on to say God granted Hannah the request of her heart. Just as I know God will answer the desires of my heart. Psalm 37:4 says "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart."
So all the tears I have shed recently and all the times I have been mad at God - it is okay. He will answer my prayers as I continue to seek Him.
It was so cool to be reminded that God doesn't mind if we are mad at Him, He welcomes our prayers. He will take away our tears.
Later on it goes on to say God granted Hannah the request of her heart. Just as I know God will answer the desires of my heart. Psalm 37:4 says "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart."
So all the tears I have shed recently and all the times I have been mad at God - it is okay. He will answer my prayers as I continue to seek Him.
Monday, April 6, 2009
Rough Day
It was a rough day at work today. My mind was not on work stuff. I lost $400,000 while trying to balance an account (added an extra zero....), sent the same email out three times, did negotiate a payment plan though.
One of my coworkers stopped by my office. We were chatting about work, then he said, "You seem really down, is everything okay?" Since he has a child similar to Jay I gave him the Reader's Digest version of what is going on. He listened. More importantly - he said - "Don't ever let the behavior of one child make you think you and Brian and not good parents."
It was encouraging and eye-opening to hear from someone who doesn't know me well.
The greatest thing I am learning through all of this is how very much I love my husband. He is so strong. I can't wait until he gets home so I can have a hug!!
One of my coworkers stopped by my office. We were chatting about work, then he said, "You seem really down, is everything okay?" Since he has a child similar to Jay I gave him the Reader's Digest version of what is going on. He listened. More importantly - he said - "Don't ever let the behavior of one child make you think you and Brian and not good parents."
It was encouraging and eye-opening to hear from someone who doesn't know me well.
The greatest thing I am learning through all of this is how very much I love my husband. He is so strong. I can't wait until he gets home so I can have a hug!!
Sunday, April 5, 2009
A Critical Spirit
As we have been walking through the fire, God has been revealing to me areas of my life where I need to change.
One of the biggest is a critical spirit. Over the past few weeks I have been working on this. Trying to look at things the way God does, not the way Vicki thinks they should be.
My heart is grieved at the people I have hurt when my intentions were good. My prayer is those closest to me will see a change for the positive. I can't undo spoken words. But hopefully, I can start speaking words of life into those I love so much.
While I have really detested the last six weeks of my life. I am a better woman today, I am more like Jesus. He has burned off some of the things in my life that were detracting from my Lord. I am being refined for His glory.
One of the biggest is a critical spirit. Over the past few weeks I have been working on this. Trying to look at things the way God does, not the way Vicki thinks they should be.
My heart is grieved at the people I have hurt when my intentions were good. My prayer is those closest to me will see a change for the positive. I can't undo spoken words. But hopefully, I can start speaking words of life into those I love so much.
While I have really detested the last six weeks of my life. I am a better woman today, I am more like Jesus. He has burned off some of the things in my life that were detracting from my Lord. I am being refined for His glory.
Roller Coaster Day
That is the only way to describe yesterday. Brian and I slept in then grabbed some breakfast before heading to an orientation at Teen Challenge.
We are hoping and praying this is the avenue Jay will choose (more on this later). They have an amazing organization. They have helped millions of people over the past 51 years. In many ways it was eye opening.
We then buzzed to Brian's eye doctor appointment - yes, he will be wearing glasses. But he looks good (though I think he looks good all the time!!).
Then it was time to visit Jay. We went to Aurora. He seemed glad to see us. But he is still angry, wanted to know why we wouldn't let him come home, he was putting up roadblocks about Teen Challenge. (He can't have piercings or smoke and it is a one year commitment.) We left him the paperwork, it is his choice on what he does at this point. I cried as we left but understand this is the BEST thing for everyone.
Well then we decided to go look at manufactured homes. Our dream is in two years to buy a piece of property and put a home on it. We fell in love with the first one we walked into!! It is fun to share a dream.
We had picked out the house, so we went looking for property!! We had a great time looking for property. It is kind of interesing how something so trivial can be so much fun.....
We grabbed some dinner and headed home. We then watched the movie - Fireproof. It was thought provoking. It led to some good conversation - we agree that while we are in the fire right now - our marriage is fireproof.
God is very good to me.
We are hoping and praying this is the avenue Jay will choose (more on this later). They have an amazing organization. They have helped millions of people over the past 51 years. In many ways it was eye opening.
We then buzzed to Brian's eye doctor appointment - yes, he will be wearing glasses. But he looks good (though I think he looks good all the time!!).
Then it was time to visit Jay. We went to Aurora. He seemed glad to see us. But he is still angry, wanted to know why we wouldn't let him come home, he was putting up roadblocks about Teen Challenge. (He can't have piercings or smoke and it is a one year commitment.) We left him the paperwork, it is his choice on what he does at this point. I cried as we left but understand this is the BEST thing for everyone.
Well then we decided to go look at manufactured homes. Our dream is in two years to buy a piece of property and put a home on it. We fell in love with the first one we walked into!! It is fun to share a dream.
We had picked out the house, so we went looking for property!! We had a great time looking for property. It is kind of interesing how something so trivial can be so much fun.....
We grabbed some dinner and headed home. We then watched the movie - Fireproof. It was thought provoking. It led to some good conversation - we agree that while we are in the fire right now - our marriage is fireproof.
God is very good to me.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Jay
Jay thinks we hate him. Actually the decisions we have made over the past few days have been because we love him so much.
Instead of letting him come home - he has gone to a treatment facility. We don't have contact with him. We are putting him in God's hands and trusting the promise in Romans 8:28 - And we know in all things God works for the good of those who love him who have been called according to his purpose.
When I was pregnant with Jay we prayed over him. We have prayed for him all through the years. He knows the truth and he will return to the truth.
This is tough - but it is the best thing for everyone.
Instead of letting him come home - he has gone to a treatment facility. We don't have contact with him. We are putting him in God's hands and trusting the promise in Romans 8:28 - And we know in all things God works for the good of those who love him who have been called according to his purpose.
When I was pregnant with Jay we prayed over him. We have prayed for him all through the years. He knows the truth and he will return to the truth.
This is tough - but it is the best thing for everyone.
Protected
Today I felt protected. The car problems we had coming home from Laughlin continued. So I drove about six miles, realized it and turned around but didn't get far. Called Brian at 6:00am. He and David came and got me. Then he spent the morning replacing the alternator.
I love being married to this man. We are friends. We are lovers. We talk and we laugh. Sometimes we even fight! I can hardly believe it will be 20 years in November. I can't wait to see what the next 20 will bring!
Over the course of the years I am realizing sometimes we are closer, others we are futher apart. Life happens. I am so encouraged for him to start his new job so we can spend more time together.
Scripture is so beautiful as it portrays Jesus' relationship with the church as a marriage, a covenant. A promise before God where there is no option of leaving. Perhaps it is through the tough times we grow the most. We are in a tough time now - but the blessing is coming soon!
I love being married to this man. We are friends. We are lovers. We talk and we laugh. Sometimes we even fight! I can hardly believe it will be 20 years in November. I can't wait to see what the next 20 will bring!
Over the course of the years I am realizing sometimes we are closer, others we are futher apart. Life happens. I am so encouraged for him to start his new job so we can spend more time together.
Scripture is so beautiful as it portrays Jesus' relationship with the church as a marriage, a covenant. A promise before God where there is no option of leaving. Perhaps it is through the tough times we grow the most. We are in a tough time now - but the blessing is coming soon!
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