Amazing David

David is an amazing man of God. I am so proud of him.

Over the past few weeks - he has stepped up and taken on the responsibilities his father and brother walked away from, he has done his best to protect me, he has walked closely with the Lord even though his heart is hurting.

David has reached out to a few men to help him through this time - that takes a lot of self-confidence and trust. He has maintained a positive attitude.

David has reached beyond himself, even when he was physically hurting, he would keep going knowing we were on a time frame.

Never once has David complained that Brian and Jay walked away from their responsibility - he has simply done what needs to be done. I know God will richly reward him for his obedience.

Through this storm - David has been a shining star.

Questions?

Been asking God a lot of why questions..... I love the fact that God doesn't get mad when I ask, that He wraps His arms of love around me and holds me telling me that ALL things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose.

So here are some of my questions:

• What went wrong?
• Why didn't Brian come to me so we could work things out?
• Why did satan chose Brian to go after?
• Why did Brian give into temptation?
• What happened to the passion Brian had for Jesus?
• How can Brian justify the sin he is living in?
• Why is he exposing our children to this sin?
• Isn't Brian afraid of the consequences of his actions?
• Why wasn't Brian willing to go for counseling?
• Why has Brian rejected all the people who are reaching out to him in love?
• When I asked him two days after he left, if you knew how much pain this would cause - would you make the same decision, he answered probably not - why did he continue down the road of sin?
• Why did you involve the children?
• Doesn't Brian hurt not being close to Jesus (he said he was stagnant)?
• When did Brian give up on God?

Those are just the ones I can think of right now - late at night in lots of pain.

I do have the assurance that God loves Brian and wants him to come home into His arms of love. It is just a matter of when and how it will happen.

Odd as it sounds - I love my husband. I want him restored to the Lord. I know this prayer will be answered.

Emotional Roller Coaster

It has been kind of a weepy day. Interesting because the last few have been relatively solid.

I miss Brian so much. Still wondering what happened. Still hoping and praying he will come to his senses and we can work this out. God specializes in the seemingly impossible.

More than anything though I want God to get the glory - whatever happens. My friend Penny was such an encouragement last night - she told me that my obedience to God will bring me blessings. I am trying so hard to keep my focus on Jesus. For now, He is my bridegroom. He is loving me. He is holding on to me.

This morning Dr. Doug confirmed both of my knees need to be replaced. He said he can't believe the pain I must be in - just from looking at the x-rays. In a way it is good to know the pain is real and there are options. He gave me cortisone shots in both knees, so far no relief.

Quite honestly, at this point I feel like a target of the evil one. He can take everything I have - but he can't take away Jesus.

I am so thankful for my Abba Father.

New Season

I don' t remember being so tired in all my life. We spent today packing and moving. Actually it went smoothly. Due to the quick circumstances we will end up giving away or throwing away some of the stuff we moved.

So tonight starts a new season. Not sure where God is taking me - but I trust Him. He loves me totally and completely. I am His daughter and since He is the King - I am a princess.

My heart hurts for Brian. He has so much anger inside. And I seem to be the recipient of his emotional vomit. Even with all that has happened - I love him. I am praying for him more now than I was.

Just as the shepherd went after the one sheep - I believe God will go after Brian until he is back in the herd. And I will keep praying for him.

God is good.

Pain

It is official. Brian has moved out. He wants a divorce.

Doesn't matter that God hates divorce, doesn't matter that I want to work it out, doesn't matter how much pain it is bringing to our children, doesn't matter that God will give us the wisdom and strength to work it out.

Really sucks. Right now God is holding me in His lap, rocking me, singing to me, telling me that all things work together for good and we will get through this together.

Though it seems hopeless - I still pray for reconciliation, I pray the man I love so much will return home, I pray we will have the opportunity to do life together. I pray he will fall back in love with Jesus.

I asked him tonight if he knew his decision would cause all of this pain - would be make the same decision..... He said he didn't know.

Abba Father - protect our children right now, hold them in Your arms of love. Hold all of us close to You. You are good.

Peace

I am so at peace. The past few months have been the worst of my life. The challenges have been intense and right now it looks like things aren't going to improve. But Jesus loves me.

This is not where I want to be in my life. It is not what I believe God had planned. But, because of free will, I am dealing with lots of challenges. I am so at peace.

The things that are being ripped from me - God will return to me tenfold. The blessings coming will be so much greater than I can even imagine because I am standing firm in my obedience to God - I am remaining faithful to Him.

Someday I get to stand before my Creator and I want to hear the words "Well done, my faithful servant."

God has filled me with peace and love. He will carry me through and then He is going to bless my socks off!!

God is in Control

I love the fact that God is in control. I don't have to worry or stress about what is going on or what might happen. He has it.

The people who try to go through life without God - how do they do it? Or the people who just partially believe what He says and compromise His word - how do they do it? Or the people who simply ignore what He says - how do they do it?

God will never leave or forsake me, He will meet all of my needs. He owns the cattle on a 1,000 hills. He knows the number of hairs on my head. He wants an intimate relationship with me.

Right now I simply rest in the arms of my Abba Father, knowing He is good and has my best in mind. I love Him so much!!

Prayer

"It is not enough to begin to pray," he advises us, "nor to pray aright; nor is it enough to continue for a time to pray; but we must patiently, believingly continue in prayer, until we obtain an answer; and further, we have not only to continue in prayer unto the end, but we have also to believe that God does hear us and will answer our prayers. Most frequently we fail in not continuing in prayer until the blessing is obtained, and in not expecting the blessing." - George Mueller

Found the above statement and it is so cool. The PUSH (pray until something happens) is similar but how often do I pray not expecting God to answer?? Where is my faith? I am learning to pray in faith, and God, who is faithful, will answer.

I can't wait to get to Heaven and talk with Jesus face to face!