Happy Jack Family Reunion

We spent four days with my Mom (in the Dr. Seuss hat). She is such an incredible lady. She has taught me so much, especially recently in how to remain sane while having a child who is making terrible decisions.



The "cabin" was six bedrooms and four bathrooms along with a gorgeous fireplace and great room.






My sister and her family (from Seattle). We don't get to see enough of them.



Just the thought of being in a "cabin" with four teenage boys is overwhelming. But, overall, everyone got along fine....

The weather was snowy - in fact it was storming the day we arrived. We did get out one day and those brave enough went on snow saucers down a hill...

David - his Mom was holding her breath every time he went down!

Jay, the daredevil, wanted to do a back flip off a snow saucer - thankfully he got cold before figuring it out!!

Kara, the snow bunny, made it down in one piece!

And of course me and Brian (yes, Brian shaved, no I don't like it!)

More thoughts later - families are precious.

New Year's Eve

Here it is - New Year's Eve. I have had a quiet day, putting away the Christmas decorations, sorting piles of stuff on my desk.

I am so excited for 2009 - it can only be better than 2008. And, I get to read through the Bible again - using the Life Journal plan this time. David has committed to reading also!!

This past year has been painful. Yet, in so many ways, I have grown closer to the Lord. The experiences are not ones I would have chosen, but they were able to teach me and mold me into a better person.

For 2009 I have no resolutions - just want to keep growing more in love with Jesus, my wonderful husband and fantastic children. I want to continue serving to help reach our young people.

And, we are closer to Heaven!!

Christmas Eve Afternoon

Everything is done - all the presents are bought and wrapped, everything is baked, tomorrow's dinnner is ready to pop in the oven, the boxes are packed to leave town on Friday.

I have this time to sit and think about how blessed I truly am. We have a roof over our head and food in our pantry. We have cars that drive and jobs. We have children who are educated and good citizens. We have an amazing church and an incredible Home Team. We have family and friends. We live in a country where we can worship freely.

So perhaps there won't be as many presents as there were in the past - it is okay. We are learning what is really important - the Baby in the manger, family and friends.

Melancholoy

It is raining. I am tired. It is three days until Christmas. And I feel melancholy.

Not sad or depressed, just kind of down. This has been such a challenging year and many of the challenges are on going. I am ready for some cheer and hope.

But, if it weren't for the down and tough times, we wouldn't appreciate the good times. I can't think of anywhere in Scripture where God promised us all good times. I can think of several Scripture where it says the way will be hard.

My SOAP today contained "O Lord, I am calling to you. Please hurry! Listen when I cry to you for help!" It is so cool we can ask God to hurry (doesn't mean He will, but we can bring ANYTHING to His throne of grace!).

It will be good to get away, even if it is with my entire family!!

Internet

The internet is SOOOOOO frustrating. Cox has been going up and down more than an elevator!!

Brian called. Their response - there is a lot of growth in your area and lots of people are signing up for cable due to the change in television.

Why can't people take responsibility? Why can't the internet work regularly?

So, I apologize for not blogging more. Life is good - Christmas is a week away!!

Direction

Hopefully Jay has found direction. He has filled out the appliction to be part of Job Corps. Through this program he will earn his high school diploma AND learn a trade. He is hoping to learn how to work in masonry, plaster and concrete. Once he is finished he will be able to apply for jobs and have a skill.

He is excited to start building fireplaces and water features. This will be cool to watch him use his creativity.

It is fun to watch as God is working in Jay's life. Before too long Jay will actually realize what is going on and God will be able to use his testimony.

The Hiring Decision is DONE!

It was so cool this afternoon. I had the top two candidates for the AP position I have open come in for a second interview. They met with the rest of the staff.

After it was over, I asked each one who they thought would be the best fit. All five agreed!!

And, it was the lady I thought would be best. So, on December 29 while I am on vacation, she will join our team.

What a burden lifted!!

Waiting

I am in a total holding pattern.

We are waiting for Brian to find a job where he can truly excel and glorify God.

We are waiting for Jay to get his head together. Last Saturday we asked him to leave. He wasn't living by the rules or the contract he signed. It was tough. It looks like he may come home later this week - repentent, willing to live by the rules, hopefully finding a job soon, returning to school and becoming a functional human being as opposed to the leech he has been.

We are waiting for a financial breakthrough (along with most of America!).

We are starting the process to become foster parents.

We are in the first phases of wedding plans. (Can someone explain why it takes so long and so much money?)

Most importantly we are waiting for Jesus to come take us home!!

Tough Decision

Today we made a tough decision. God will honor the tough decisions we make. I can't wait to see how God works through this difficult situation.

Interviewing

Over the next two days I will interview between eight and ten people. What a huge responsibility. One is an internal candidate, the others are all unemployed.

When I called one lady today she started crying, saying "thank you, thank you for the opportunity." Wow.

After I finish interviewing Friday afternoon, I will select the top two or three candidates. They will be invited back to meet the staff so I can get their input next week.

I am praying for wisdom, for my eyes to be open to the best person and for the girls to be in agreement as we work so closely as a team.

Selfishly I am praying for strength as I will have to tell most of them they didn't get the job. Can't wait until this process is over!!

Christmas Oranments

I am pretty excited about this Christmas. Brian and I put out the Christmas decorations over the weekend. He was grumpy and the tree didn't get finished. So Sunday afternoon, all by myself, I put the oranments on. It was cool.

I spent time praying for each one of our children as I placed ornaments with their pictures through the years on the tree and the ones they made.

Prayers went out for the people who gave us ornaments. Thanks went up for the ornaments that are reminders of special trips we have taken and places we have been. All in all it was a walk down memory lane, treasuring all the blessings God has given us.

This is going to be a low key Christmas, things are tough everywhere. But we have our Lord, our family and our Christmas ornaments - who needs anything more?

Thankful for my job

I spent most of yesterday and today going through resumes. I have an AP bookkeeper position open. So far we have received over 500 resumes. Yes, I have read each one of them.

Per policy, I have noted:
1 - want to interview
2 - qualified, but not going to interview
3 - don't meet minimum qualifications

As I read each one of these, I prayed not only for me to make the correct decision, but that the person would find the right position.

With the economy so bad there were resumes of controllers, analysts, receptionists, even an interior designer!!

I talked with twelve people on the phone today. All but two of them I really liked. Now I have to pare down even more to a reasonable number to bring in to interview. Then, I have to pick my top two or three to let the other staff meet.

This might be an easier situation - but the position hasn't even closed!! I could get another hunderd or more the first part of next week....

One of the biggest things I am learning - I am very thankful for having a good job with a solid company.

Being Married

Today is the first day of our 20th year of marriage. Yes, yesterday (November 24) was our 19th wedding anniversary.

Funny, I can't remember my life before Brian. Though sometimes he makes me REALLY mad, he is my best friend.

One of the cool things is - we have so many plans for the future. We want to be foster parents. We want to travel. We want to spend time outdoors. We want to explore God's creation. We are excited to see how God works in and through the lives of our children.

The first 19 years were pretty amazing, I can't wait for the next 19, then the 19 after that....

Hope Springs Eternal

Reading these blogs must be really depressing. Or perhaps, it is encouraging that all this ugly stuff is happening to someone else!! But good things are happening.

Kara has a job!! She will be teaching at La Petite Academie. It is probably not the job she really wanted, but it will meet her needs. Tom had an interview today and will have a second interview sometime soon.

Last evening Jay and I had a heart to heart. I wanted him to know how much I love him and that even if we did kick him out - he was welcome to family functions including our family reunion the end of December. He told me he was tired of the lifestyle he was leading and he wanted to change. As we talked he took out all the piercings (5) and the guages. We went up to Robeks to get a smoothie and he filled out an application AND turned it in. He posted on MySpace he was going to be changing. He actually went looking for jobs today. Yes, God is faithful.

David was released from the doctor today so he can play baseball!! This is good.

We are still financially beyond broke and Brian continues to seek a position where he can do what he was called to do and fulfill the desire of his heart - to be a Police Officer.

I find it interesting there are people who say the evil one is attacking us. Why would the evil one attack so much as the attacks draw us closer to God? It doesn't really matter why we have been going through these tough times. What matters is how we respond.

As long as I have breath - I will praise the Lord!!

A Brighter Day

Things always look brighter the next day.

• Maybe it is the tears that were shed have watered the seed of hope.
• Maybe it is because I woke up this morning singing - My hope is build on nothing less than Jesus blood and righteousness.
• Maybe it is because God was able to clear my mind and take away the negative thoughts during the night.
• Maybe it is because we are a day closer to Heaven!!
• Maybe it is because God reminded me that ALL things work together for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (not mine).

Whatever the reason, I am at peace. God will not leave or forsake us. He has met all of our needs and He will continue to do so.

Brian already has made some contacts for new positions. I trust they will be better than where he is currently. He has also contacted an attorney. We don't want someone else to be mistreated.

Tomorrow will be even better than today!!

The End of the Saga

James 1:12 - God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God promised to those who love him.

The testing/temptation continues. Today Brian was told he is no longer being considered for the officer promotion. The reason is something long ago that has been expunged - legally, it can't even be considered. But it was, and now the road we are on will change.

Yes, there will be some legal actions. Yes, there will be a job change. Yes, we are weary. And yes, I am asking God - "WHY?"

How long does the testing/temptation last? When do we get that crown of life? Will it not occur until we reach Heaven?

Perhaps I am trying to make sense out of something that makes no sense. Maybe this is where I just need to trust God, He will continue to care for us, and love us.

For now, I just want to rest in my Father's arms. Let Him hold and comfort me through this very challenging time.

The Wait Continues

The meeting between the Chief and the HR person ocurred today. The HR person said he hadn't verified if Brian is eligible for recertification. For six weeks he has done nothing. All it would take is a simple email.

The funny thing is - Brian verified this information prior to applying for this position in June of 2007. Yes, we have been on this path for sixteen months.

Sometimes I wonder what are we supposed to be learning? Why is it taking so long? I am so ready to move on to the next season of our lives.

So, we keep praying. We keep trusting God is in control.

Random Thoughts

So many random thoughts going through my head -

Love the first Friday of each month. Our Home Team has First Friday Fantastic Family Fun Fellowship (or something like that!). It is cool to just chill with our friends who are doing life with us. It is good to know we are not alone in our struggles.

Saturday evening we ate dinner with 150 of our Tres Dias friends. What a spread of food! More amazing was the worship and fellowship.

Sunday evening I was blessed to spend with the Youth Mentors. These people are awesome. So filled with love for Jesus and for our students. They are such an encouragement.

The weather has turned cold. This means my knees hurt. I try not to be a wimp. I am so holding on to the promise of new bodies when we get to Heaven!

It is tough watching my children make unwise decisions. I wish more people would show mercy rather than judge.

Praying for Brian's board approval to come quickly. There is a meeting on Thursday at noon, then the Board will meet on Tuesday, November 25. Not only will the increased salary take a HUGE load off, but Brian needs the affirmation of how valuable he is.

I love Brian. He is an incredible husband and friend. I walked into our bedroom when I arrived home from work and it smells like him. I miss him in the evenings.

God is so good to me.

The Joys of Public Education

Sunday during service Pastor Greg made the comment - God gave Adam Eve - not Steve. David wrote it down in his notes.

Today during his History class they must have been talking about homosexuality and guess what, David decides to quote Pastor Greg. His teacher was less than thrilled with the statement and told him he was intolerant.

Later on in class David made an inappropriate remark and guess what - he now has a day of in-school suspension Thursday.

I can't help but wonder if David had not made the remark about homosexuality if he would have received this punishment or if, because he voiced his beliefs, he is being treated harshly.

How do we teach our children tolerance, yet abide by what the Scripture (Romans 1)?

I work with many homosexual people, most of them are great people who have a lot to give. We agree to disagree. I hope and pray my openess and acceptance will show them some of Jesus' love.

It makes me sad our public education is not so enlightened.

Caring for Others

We are reading in Hebrews which has always seemed a bit deep to me. Well I reach chapter 6, verse 10 - "For God is not unjust. He will not forget how hard you have worked for him and how you have shown your love to him by caring for other believers, as you still do."

How cool - first all, this is how I have the privilege of serving in Student Ministries - caring for other believers who just happen to be Youth Mentors.

Second, it is such an encouragement to realize our focus doesn't always have to be unbelievers. I know folks who are so caught up in sharing Jesus with others, they overlook those working alongside them.

There is a balance. Each of us need to determine what the balance is in our lives.

Growing closer to Jesus

Yesterday was a red letter day. Jay was baptized. Yes, he was baptized when he was seven. But this time he is making a committment to follow Jesus as an adult.

It took him a long and perilous path to reach this point. And, in all reality, he will still have rough times. It is exciting to watch as he is figuring out who Jesus is and who he is in Jesus. Funny thing is - he has been raised in the church, knows the right answers, but now he is living what he has been speaking.

AND, David helped baptize one of his friends - Carlos. It was cool to watch.

It is humbling to watch as God is answering the prayers of a Mom over many years. God is SO good.

Vehicles are Frustrating

Vehciles have to be one of the most frustrating things.

David called me and the truck wouldn't start. He had a friend jump it and he made it home. After I arrived home I grabbed a bottle of coke and went out to pour it on the battery. The truck at least wanted to start then.

So David takes the battery out and we head over to Checker - the battery is only 14 months old and we paid for a top of the line battery with a 96 month warranty. (What battery lasts 96 months in Arizona??)

Phil, my new friend at Checker, takes the battery and tests it. Hmmm, the amps look good. Let's check it out on the other tester. Well, it is only 80% charged. Do we want to wait 12 minutes to get it fully charged?

Now at this point I was tempted to say, no we want to have a battery that maybe won't start. What I did say, we'd be happy to wait.

Twelve minutes later, the battery is good. He cleaned off the post thingys. We got home and cleaned off the cable thingys. The truck is starting.

So we spent an hour and a half on something that wasn't broken, just dirty.

I am trying to figure out some deep analogy from this, but it just isn't coming.

My weekend

This past weekend was spent in Prescott at a Women's Tres Dias weekend.

For those who don't know, Tres Dias is a retreat that helps you come to know and love Jesus more. I had the privilege of praying all weekend long. How amazing.

Our team has six wonderful ladies. We were able to pray, laugh, cry, share not only for the ladies who were learning more about how much Jesus loves them but for others and ourselves. While it wasn't physically tough - spiritually is was draining, standing in the gap and praying.

These weekends are great. You get to see the power of God revealed. You get to experience miracles. You feel the great and awesome power of God's love.

Deliverance

Due to being at Tres Dias for a couple of days I am catching up on my SOAPS (more on Tres Dias later).

2 Timothy 4:18 - Yes, and the Lord will deliver me from every evil attack and will bring me safely into his heavenly Kingdom. All glory to God forever and ever!! Amen.

Everything we are going through right now - we already have the victory!! We don't need to worry about Jay (God is walking with him through this journey). We don't need to worry about Brian's job and the challenges of becoming recertified. We don't have to worry about our finances.

God will deliver us and bless us with his heavenly Kingdom. Even if we don't get blessed here on earth - what is waiting for us in Heaven is so much greater than anything happening here.

We simply need to trust Him.

Step of Faith

Well, I am about to leave for three plus days. This means leaving three males alone in my house.... Not too sure what I will come back to. Actually I wonder how much of the To Do list they will even think about.

Brian's board approval did not happen as the board meeting was moved to next Wednesday, October 29. We are desperately praying it will go through. The financial benefits will take a HUGE load off. With Christmas coming we could use it. I would imagine West Valley Hospital would be pretty jazzed too.

Through all of this I am learning to trust God more. Letting Him be the supplier of all my needs, and perhaps learning that many of my "needs" are actually "wants".

I love this journey I am on headed to Heaven.

Tagged

Okay, I was tagged twice so I guess I should do this...... Random things about myself that others may or may not know.

1. My family is the most important thing in the world to me after my relationship with Christ. I love being with them, hearing about what is going on in their lives. I miss the days when the children were little. I treasure the times we are together - especially when it is the extended family - I can't wait for Christmas.

2. I am a big baby. I cry at movies, I cry at Home Makeover, I cry during church. Given my career of an accountant it at times seems odd that I cry so easily.

3. I love being out of doors. Someday I would love to live in the mountains, perhaps Colorado or Alaska realistically Crown King.

4. Baseball is a hoot. My favorite us tee ball, just something about watching the little guys play so hard and not care who wins. I love watching David and Jay play. They are such gifted athletes.

5. Pain is a constant in my life. Some days are better, some days are worse. Can't wait til I get to Heaven to get that new body!!

6. Christmas is my favorite holiday. It will be different this year not putting up thousands of lights. It will be a simple Christmas, focusing on the true meaning.

Since everyone I know who blogs (who reads mine) has been tagged - that's all folks!!

Sponges

I am so excited to get away this weekend. Though I will miss the family, the time to just retreat and be with other women and the Lord will be good. It will be a great time of rejuvenation.

Lately I have felt sort of like a dried out old sponge - not really much use since I need to be filled up to be useful. So next week I will be all wet!!

Brian, David and Jay are really going to miss my humor..... more likely having regular meals!!

Children

Scripture says children are a blessing. Right now I am finding children a challenge. They are all at an age where they want to learn everything themselves 16, 18 and 22. They don't want to listen to anyone. Each of them is making their own way, and will have to deal with consequences.

In reality, my parents probably felt the same frustration with me. Knowing I was making some bad choices, but not able to do anything about it.

So, I am learning to keep my mouth shut and to pray more. Pray they will seek wisdom. Pray they will listen to others. Pray God will watch over them.

David and I were chatting yesterday about God not having grandchildren. Each of our children will have their own unique relationship with God, it will not be based on anything Brian or I believe.

Maybe it is the letting go that is the hardest.

Down Time

I am very glad it is Friday. It has been a long month so far. Lots going on, not a lot of down time. And the best part, no plans except for church this weekend!!

Sometimes I wonder why we keep ourselves so busy. Why can't we just relax? But with the economy in a state of flux, people around us making demands of our time, it just doesn't happen.

When we get to Heaven, I think we will get a lot of down time, time just to hang with Jesus. I can't wait.

God is so Good

I was sitting here thinking how good God is. I mean, He is really good.

The past few months have been such a challenge. But, here we are, and there is an end in sight. Brian will be board certified soon (hopefully within a week), Jay is making MUCH better decisions, David's leg is healing, Kara is in a healthy relationship.

More than anything, we are right where God wants us to be. We have each other, we have our church family, we have the ability to serve, we have the joy of the Lord.

If you had asked me if I wanted to experience the past months - definitely NO. But, I am becoming a stronger person, trusting my Jesus so much more. He is shaping me into the person He wants me to be to best glorify Him.

So, I guess it comes down to this - Thank you Lord for allowing me to experience the past few months of storms. Thank you for carrying me through.

Student Ministries Mentors

I love our Mentors in Student Ministries. These people really get it - they understand what it is to be on the front lines, reaching students for Jesus.

Darius and Nicole are doing such an amazing job of shaping Student Ministries into a little taste of Heaven for the students and the Mentors.

For me, it has been such a joy to watch the Mentors. Some have come in on fire and ready to tackle the world. Others come to us totally unsure of what God has called them to do. Through their service they are not only reaching students for Jesus, touching the lives of our students in a positive way - but they themselves are growing more like Jesus.

Tonight at our Mentor's Meeting it was so cool to watch them pray in small groups for our students. Then, to have an extremely intense game of volleyball - Senior High vs Junior High. These people know how to have fun. (Junior High won 26 - 24.)

I wish everyone could experience being part of a team like this.

Zeke

Zeke, our three year old surrogate grandson has been staying with us. Boy, do three year olds have a lot of energy.

This morning he woke up and said - "Good morning, it is time to get up!". Which was even funnier as Brian is NOT a morning person.

After he helped me make some pancakes for breakfast, he informed me he was having cookies for breakfast. The only reason I won, I'm bigger.

It has been great to spend time with him. I have a renewed appreciation for moms of preschoolers. And, I am very glad our own children are almost grown!

Kayla

I really like David's girlfriend Kayla. It is fun to watch the two of them laugh together. It makes me feel good that they both love the Lord.

A Day Closer to Heaven

During the past few months of challenges I have found myself answering the question "How are you" by saying, "I'm one day closer to Heaven."

Last week at Home Team someone asked if this wasn't a cop out. It made me think.

No, I don't think so at all. My purpose as a believer in Christ is to spend eternity worshipping the Creator. Hopefully I will grab a whole bunch of people to take along!!

If we lose sight of Heaven, what are we living for? Yes, somedays it may have been a cop out - I might be tired and hurting and just ready to be with Jesus. But most of the time it is the hope that keeps me going - the knowledge that I get to spend eternity with Jesus.

Prayer Missiles

Most people who know me, know I tend to be a little obsessed with prayer. Over the years I have studied a lot about how to pray, taught classes on how to pray and actually spent time in prayer.

So this morning I read a devotional I receive every morning. It was talking about Prayer Darts. So all day I have been developing this theme in my mind. Why can't we have Prayer Missiles.

A missile is powerful, it is designed for a particular purpose and it has a specific direction.

The evil one cannot stop any prayers we offer up to the throne of grace. So, if I start sending out Prayer Missiles - very specific prayers for a specific purpose and trust the power of God. Watch out!!

So for now, I am going to practice and perfect my new way of praying. I am excited to see how God will be glorified through this.

Whoever says being a Christian is boring - just doesn't get it!!

Finally - a Quiet Weekend

After weeks of storms - the weekend was quiet. Our Home Team had a Fantastic Fun Friday Family Fellowship night on Friday (of course!). It is always good to spend time just hanging with the people we are doing life with.

Saturday we had no major commitments. So Brian and I just got to hang out together and do stuff - like tile the jacuzzi, clean the bathrooms, go look at a furniture store, grab a soda, watch baseball! I love just being with him. Brian is such a man of God. I am so blessed.

I love Sundays - we get to worship together. Then I have the privilege of serving in Student Ministries where so much is going on.

Now, I am ready for another busy week at work and home.

Chance??

This afternoon Larry, our landlord, stopped by my office to pick up a few things they left at the house. We visited, caught up, shared some of what is going on in each other's lives (the cool side of having a Christian landlord!).

I was about to head back up to my office and he asked if I knew anyone looking for a home. One of his other rentals is vacant and he needs good tenants.

Well, our friends Shannon and Konrad are looking for someplace. They need some place in our area, reasonably priced and they wanted good landlords.

So we passed along emails and phone numbers. Hopefully it will work out. Isn't God something else?

David does it again

My youngest child has the most sensitive heart.

After he broke his leg he decided to trade his dirt bike for a car. Well, the car wasn't all it was cracked up to be. David, in frustration, put the car on Craig's List. David and Brian still spent a lot of time "bonding" over the car, they even drove to Prescott to pick up another engine!

Since Brian rides a motorcycle and we have two vehicles it wasn't critical to get David's car fixed or to get rid of it.

Monday night David got a call about the car - someone was VERY interested and was willing to pay him what he was asking. I told David, "This is your car - it is your choice, what are you going to do with the money?"

David looked at me and said - "Give it to you, things are tough and I want to help."

He is an amazing young man, growing more and more to be like Jesus. I am very proud of him.

Choices

Life is funny. Sometimes a minor choice we make can have a major impact. Leaving a few minutes early avoids an accident, picking up the phone as you are walking out the door comforts a friend, making an unexpected stop allows you to run into an old friend.

Sometimes we don't even think about the choices we make. We get up and go to work every day. We go to church on Sundays (or Saturdays). We spend time with family and friends.

It would seem that would go for bad choices to - spending time with someone who is a bad influence brings us away from God, spending money we don't have on toys takes food out of the mouths of our family.

Choices - God gave us free choice. How often do I take that for granted? How often do I mess up because I am not thankful for free choice?

Thank you Lord for giving me free choice, and for picking me up when I fall.

Jay is 18

Jay turns 18 today. A bittersweet birthday. He has so much to learn and so far to go. He is no longer a child.

In many ways I miss him being a little boy, playing in the dirt with trucks, out on the baseball field, annoying his sisters.

Today he is responsible for his own actions. I pray he will continue making good decisions as he has for the past couple of days, he will seek God, he will continue his education.

We have raised him the best we can - now we trust God.

Men of God

Worship at Palm Valley today was incredible. Pastor Greg reminded us of how much Jesus went through at the cross, how he wasn't a wimp, but really very strong. He challenged the men in our church to step up and be all that God created them to be.

He asked them to come forward for a prayer of blessing if they were willing to step it up. I haven't cried this much in church in quite a while. To see men, promising to be what God created them to be. When David walked forward, it made me so proud. At 16 he gets it. He wants to be a Man of God.

I so appreciate our Pastor who is willing to preach the Gospel - without watering it down. Times like this morning I feel hopeful for our future.

Mental Health Care

We have spent the last four days intensely looking for assistance with Jay. Jay has been diagnosed bi-polar and has made some really bad decisions regarding drug usage. Every call starts with - Is it mental or drug related? The answer is yes.

The bottom line is - there are not many options in Arizona (who is ranked 50th in mental health care). Jay is on a waiting list for the place we feel would be best - but it could be 12 to 18 months before they have an opening.

So, we are learning to live with this disease called bi-polar. If he had leukemia or diabetes it would be more acceptable to many people. Why? This is a medical condition. God created Jay uniquely, he is NOT a mistake. Perhaps it is our own insecurities, our lack of understanding, our fear.

So we move forward into an unknown, praying for God's strength and wisdom. Knowing God who created Jay loves him more than we ever possibly could. God has great things planned for Jay.

Blessed

I feel so blessed. Last evening I shared with several of our prayer warrior friends what is going on in our lives. The emails I received today are such a comfort.

It was pretty cool too to see the way my co-workers rallied around me. I guess this is an opportunity to show them the love of Jesus. Hopefully I will be a good example.

I am so ready for this season to be over, to move on to the blessing. Maybe I need to figure out where the blessings are in this storm before it is over....

Be Still

Through all of the turmoil we are going through, someone told me to "Be Still". So today, in the midst of more stuff I did my best to give it to God and be still.

We are so blessed to have so many people praying with us, loving on us and just being there as we need someone. I can't wait until we are through this so we can be an encouragement to others, reminding them to give it to God and be still.

Umbrellas in the Desert

So here we were - out in the middle of no where. Kara and I put the umbrella up because it was quite warm. Well the wind was blowing so Kara ended up chasing the umbrella. It was very funny.

David decided she needed some help getting the umbrella down, thus I was able to snap this picture.

Parenting

I am sitting her tonight wondering about my children. We raised five of them, I gave birth to three. All are so very different. Three of them are not walking with the Lord. One of them we had very little influence on as he went to live with biological mom at 12 but the other two??

Did we do something wrong? Is there something we should have done differently or better? Why are they making these decisons? Don't they understand they are hurting themselves more than anyone?

Where does parental responsibility start and stop? Were we wrong to raise them in the church? Should we have given them more/less freedom?

If this is their failure - why do I hurt so much?

Families

Today Kara, Tom, David Brian and I headed to Crown King to take some pictures of outhouses then headed out so Brian and Tom could practice shooting.

It was a really fun time. We came home and went out to eat with my Mom. Families are really cool to hang out with. Where else can you sing songs from your childhood and not feel stupid? Who else shares so many memories? Where else can you be unconditionally loved and accepted?

God was pretty smart in creating families. And I am very blessed.

Good news at last

Brian has been in the process of being recertified as a Police Officer for 14 months. Yes, most places it takes six.

He has passed the physical agility (thank you Jesus!), the background and the polygraph. Next week the psychological and physical are scheduled. Due to the fact the written test is given only on the first Wednesday of each month we had resigned ourselves to it being November before the process is complete.

This morning there was an incident on the campus - now everything is on the fast track. We are praying REALLY REALLY hard that Brian will become board certified in September, then finish his testing. This would be HUGE in our lives.

I can't wait to see him in uniform, doing what God created him to do.

Torn

This is easily the most challenging time of my life. I love all of my children. Two of them are in conflict. One is obeying God, following the rules and being respectful. The other is doing his own thing, breaking lots of the rules and being disrepectful.

I love them both - but I must protect one from the other. How do I do that without alienating the other?

My heart is breaking. I want to do what is right for everyone, but even that is in conflict. I pray Brian and I have the strength to make wise decisions and carry them through.

Hurricanes

Way too much going on in my life right now. I feel like I am in the middle of a hurricane - just when it feels like nothing else can go wrong BAM. We are being hit from every side. AND, there is no end in sight.

The cool thing is - I am learning to lean on others. There is NO way I could make it through all of this without my family, my Home Team, my Student Ministries Team, my co-workers.

Some of the support I have received has come from the most unexpected places. People who have reached out and comforted me. Maybe this is the lesson I am supposed to learn.

I am going to try to reach out more - offer more comfort and kindness. It is a really nasty world and being Christ-like is what the world needs.

Protection

God is so amazing. I am a day behind in my Scripture reading so was catching up.

Psalm 57:1 - Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy! I look to you for protection. I will hide beneath the shadow of your wings until the danger passes by.

Not only is God protecting me under the shadow of His wings - He is promising the danger WILL pass by.

There have been times recently when I have been so discouraged and weary, not wuite knowing how much longer I can hold on. I don't have to hold on because God is holding on to me. He is protecting our family.

Thank you Lord.

Tears

Over the last few days I have shed A LOT of tears. Six years ago today my Dad died. Brian is in Colorado. Jay is acting like an idiot.

So today in my Scripture reading I come across Psalm 56:8 "You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book."

God not only hurts with me, He is collecting my tears and will turn them into joy. Perhaps the tears are a way to grow more like Jesus, to be able to hurt as He hurt.

I guess if I want to be more like Jesus, I have to be willing to hurt. I pray these things we are going through will bring glory to God. I simply want to reflect the love of my Savior.

Words

Someone said some pretty hurtful things to me today. While it made me sad, I realized I wasn't the one they are angry with. But the words still hurt.

I wonder how often my words hurt God.

Lord, help me be careful of the words I say. Let them be pure and blameless.

LIfe Lesson

God showed me a life lesson today. It was so cool.

I left work and it was sprinkling. A couple of miles down the road it starts raining harder. By the time I got to the freeway it was pouring monster drops. As I traveled down the freeway at 25 miles an hour (when we were moving) I watched the storm.

It was absolutely beautiful - the clouds were puffy and lots of different shades. Then it started to hail. Hail - in Phoenix. I still had about 15 miles until home. There was a little river down the median in the freeway. I figured it would take me another 45 minutes.

Then, all of sudden, the rain stopped. As I drove on the pavement dried out, the clouds thinned and traffic was great.

I pray the storm we are in is almost over. But, if it's not I'll keep watching the sky for Jesus.

Sad

I am sad. There is someone I love so much making really bad decisions and the only thing I can do is pray. How do we reach out to someone who doesn't want help? When (or do we) reach the point where we just back out?

How would Jesus handle the situation? Especially when the person says they love Jesus but the actions don't match the words.

Sometimes it just makes me so sad. Sometimes the tears just come. I guess this is one of those times where I just have to totally trust God that He is in control.

Growing Family

Last evening we invited Kara's boyfriend Tom and David's girlfriend Kayla to dinner. We had fun. I tried a new recipe for dinner, figured if it was bad we could order pizza!!

Tom is quiet. We'll need to spend some more time with him. He does treat Kara well and she is VERY demanding.

Kayla is a sweetheart. I have been able to get to know her through Student Ministries at Palm Valley. She didn't eat much but she could have been nervous about meeting Brian - he can be rather intimidating..... I appreciate the fact she doesn't let David get away with stuff. I hope they don't get too serious.

So our family is growing.

God is our Refuge and Strength

God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble - Psalm 46:1

• Funny how God knew we would go through times of trouble and storms.
• Amazing He wants to be our refuge and strength.
• Stupid, that I don't take advantage of the refuge and strength He offers me.

Being a Parent is Tough

Being a parent is tough. Sometimes I don't know if my children mean to hurt me with their words or they just aren't thinking. Are my expectations too high for them? Am I too sensitive?

I had hoped to spend some one on one time today with Jay. But as soon as he arrived home, he was out the door. On the drive home he was full of not being interested in what I had to say, even though it was a job possibility for him.

The next few weeks will be difficult. I am not looking forward to the choices that must be made. Will I be strong enough? Why is God allowing this to happen?

Then I think about how God must feel with us. We are rude, don't want to spend time with him. Do I ignore God when He is trying to help me?

Happy Birthday Dad

Today would have been my Father's 73rd birthday. In a few weeks it will be six years since he went home to be with Jesus. But my Mom, David and I celebrated his life today.

I wonder sometimes why he died so young. How would our lives be different if he had lived? Would Jay have made some of the decsions he has? Would David have developed his writing skills?

We would not have gone to Alaska - Dad hated being cold. Perhaps we would have made it to Hawaii. We would have had more family times to hold close to our hearts.

Now, we have the pictures and the memories of an incredible Dad and an amazing Grandpa.

Happy Birthday Dad. I love you.

When You Thought I Wasn't Looking

A message every adult should read because children are watching you and doing as you do, not as you say.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you hang my

first painting on the refrigerator, and I immediately

wanted to paint another one.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you feed a

stray cat, and I learned that it was good to be kind

to animals.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you make my

favorite cake for me, and I learned that the little

things can be the special things in life.

When you thought I wasn't looking I heard you say a

prayer, and I knew that there is a God I could always

talk to, and I learned to trust in Him.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you make a

meal and take it to a friend who was sick, and I

learned that we all have to help take care of each other.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you give of

your time and money to help people who had nothing,

and I learned that those who have something should

give to those who don't.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you take care

of our house and everyone in it, and I learned we have

to take care of what we are given.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw how you

handled your responsibilities, even though you didn't

feel good, and I learned that I would have to be

responsible when I grow up.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw tears come

from your eyes, and I learned that sometimes things

hurt, but it's all right to cry.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw that you

cared, and I wanted to be everything I could be.

When you thought I wasn't looking I learned most of

life's lessons that I need to know to be a good and

productive person when I grow up.

When you thought I wasn't looking I looked at you and

wanted to say 'Thanks for all the things I saw when

you thought I wasn't looking.'

Each of us influence the lives of children - how will you touch the life of a child today? Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

Comfort

My SOAP today was out of 2 Corinthians, chapter 1, verse 4 - He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.

Wow. So all the stuff we have been going through this summer is going to comfort someone else? That is what scripture says. Everything that has happened and will happen is for a reason - to reflect the glory back to God.

I wish I could say that makes it worth it, but I'm not there yet. Too much reality we are still dealing with. Hopefully some day I can praise God for EVERYTHING that has happened this summer. Because I do know it is all for His glory.

Right now I think I am somewhere between laying in His arms being comforted and reaching out to someone who needs comforting. I am trusting God to let me know when it is time to reach out.

Does David have talent or what??

This is a poem David wrote in memory of my Dad who has been gone almost six years.

You're up above and looking down,
I'm trying my best to not make you frown.
You've taught me lessons on how to live
When I needed a hug you were there to give.

You made sure i learned in school
and if I did not you called me a fool.
We shared moments together
but now your someplace better.

I look back at the days we'd fly planes
and the day I crashed your favorite
You asked me "where's your brains?

We spent time in the outdoors a lot
You were the one to untie a knot.
I miss the days that we'd be in the woodshop,
and all we would hear is "chop chop chop"

You showed me how to fix stuff
When I began to cry you told me to "be tough"
I remember the days when we went camping
and even the days you pushed me on the tire swing.

I can say memories now that your gone,
But if I did this poem would go on.
All it took was a sudden fall,
causing a blood clot to take it all.

~David Wuerfel~

Prayer

I think God is teaching me how to really pray.

There are so many challenges going on. Sometimes I lay in bed at night and pray as the tears flow. Sometimes I just cry out to God telling Him I have no clue, like Paul in Romans, I cry out "Abba, Daddy".

And the cool thing is - He doesn't always answer, but He always comforts me and holds me close, reassuring me everything will work out to His glory.

He reminds me that ALL things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose. He never tells me it will be easy. I may have to hurt and be uncomfortable as we live in a fallen world.

I love reading through the Bible this year - what an opportunity to be reminded of all the promises of God waiting for me to claim them.

A Fun Saturday

Here are two of my favorite guys up in the wilds of the Prescott forest. Yes, David crossed the creek on crutches. He was more concerned about getting his shoes dirty than falling in the creek!!

We had such a fun, relaxing day. Drove up to Prescott. Brian had a case to do so David and just hung out in the car. After that we visited the flea market - it would have been more fun if the rain hadn't scared away most of the vendors.

We went out the Senator highway and had a picnic lunch and hiked through the stream, took some pictures. After that we visisted some thrift and antique stores in Prescott.

We were supposed to eat dinner at the Kirkland Steak House - we had heard wonderful things about it. Well, our driver missed the turn. I will give him credit as eight miles up the road he did ask for directions. By this time David was making up songs about how hungry he was. We finally get to Kirkland Junction - and the Steakhouse is closed August 18 to 26!!! I thought it was hyterical. Brian and David have yet to see the humor.

We ended up eating in Wickenburg - no neither of them starved. It was one of the best days I have had in a long time.

Answers

At last we have an answer. Yes, Jay appears to have a chemical imbalance. Part of me is so relieved - there is a reason for the mood swings and the anger. Part of me is wondering why.

So where do we go from here? Dr. Jacienta put him on a small dose of ambilify. At first it could give him a headache or make him sleepy, but it should start working to level out his mood swings.

He seems okay with all of this. He said he just wanted to be normal. But what is normal? Jay is a creative spirit, he doesn't think like Brian and I do. That is not a bad thing, just something we need to be aware of and make every effort to communicate.

He is doing well in school - he may even go back to regular school at mid-year and graduate on time. Amazing considering how far behind he was. He makes me proud that he can overachieve if he wants to.

Jay has so stinking much potential - I can't wait to see what happens when he gets passionate for Jesus!!

Family

Here they are - all of my Mom's grandchildren.

It is pretty cool how well they do get along - they have their fair share of disagreements and ganging up on each other. But no matter how long between the times they see each other - they enjoy being together.

My Mom and I were watching them this afternoon and were wondering where they will each be in 20 years. Hopefully, they will remain friends.

Temptation

My scripture today was out of 1 Corinthians 10 - the last part of verse 13 - God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.

This is so cool. With all the challenges we have faced this summer, I have been tempted to run away screaming. But each time God has redirected me, giving me the strength to keep going.

Not sure what He is teaching me, but I am ready for the lesson to be over - but if this continues, His grace will continue showing me a way out so I can endure.

I am so thankful God loves me so much!!

Broken Cars

David's car broke. So we went to Checker and bought a book, a thermostat and a gasket.

Then, David fixed it all by himself, except for the last twenty minutes when Jay came home and helped.

Amazingly, they got along well, they worked together, there was no fighting, no name calling.

So the broken car gave me hope.

Roller Coasters

I don't like roller coasters. Yet, this summer feels like we have been on a roller coaster.

In fact, the situation with Brian's recertification as a Police Officer is a roller coaster that has been going on for 14 months. This morning he had a background interview. He was pretty discouraged. Something that happened over 12 years ago is coming back. It was wrong then. It is wrong now.

We talked about our options if this doesn't happen? Or is this a situation where the evil one is trying to discourage us? Brian is an Officer through and through. It would really be sad if the lies of evil people keep him from his dream and from what God has called him to be.

Maybe I just answered my own question, since God created Brian, won't he work through the nasty stuff so Brian can glorify him?

I am trusting God to work out the details, to pull us through this tough summer and to give God the glory through everything!!

Anticipation

I am so blessed. Even through the storms, I am blessed.

It is odd - normally I am a peaceful person, it takes quite a bit to get be riled. But for the last day or so I have felt a sense of anticipation. Kind of like Christmas Eve.

No clue where this is coming from -

• Could be all the cool things happening in Student Ministries
• Could be there is going to be a break through in Jay's life
• Could be Brian's interview process will fast track
• Could be I am feeling how much Jesus loves me

I am blessed and waiting to see what God is going to do.

Judging

The scripture today was in 1 Corinthians 5, verses 12-13, "It isn't my responsibility to judge outsiders, but it certainly is your responsiblity to judge those inside the church who are sinning. God will judge those on the outside; but as the Scriptures say, "You must remove the evil person from among you."

How many times do I have it totally backwards? I pass judgement on those who don't know Jesus and let my brothers and sisters live in sin. Perhaps it is easier to judge those we don't know who do things we believe to be evil than to confront someone we know and love with something painful.

Having a child who lives on the edge of rebellion it has sometimes challenged me - I don't agree with his choices for tatoos and piercings. Yet I get angry when others from church judge him for the same actions. Is he being judged fairly? Should he be judged at all?

Is my frustration a judgement? This whole topic makes my head spin. Just need to remind myself Jesus loves me, this I know. Yes, Jesus love ME!!

God is in Control

Just resting in the fact that God is in control. Not sure how - but know that He promised to take care of me.

Seems like there is so much going on. Part of me just wants to run away and hide (up in the mountains). Another part of me wants to scream. Another part of me wants to cry because so many people are hurting each other. Another part wants to wrap my arms around those who are being hurt. Another part wants to punch the people who are doing stupid stuff.

But, I sit here praying and blogging. Because I am going to let God handle what is going on - He is amazing and will work out everything to His glory.

Thank you Jesus!!

Storms

Storms are funny. Last night it poured rain in central Phoenix, but not a drop here in Goodyear. Today the clouds look ominous...

Perhaps life is like that sometimes - the storms in our lives come so close, but never touch us, though they threaten. Other times we get totally rained on, or the winds blow, or the temperature drops.

One of my co-workers told me today my life was like a storm, she wouldn't take my life for anything in the world!! I don't feel like I'm in a storm. Sure, it has been a crazy summer - lots happening. But God is holding on to us. There isn't a storm created that can take that away from me.

I like storms.

First Day of School

David and Jay made it through the first day of school - without me walking them there or even taking their pictures! Part of me really misses those days, all the excitement, seeing friends.

David loves Verrado. He is excited about his classes, meeting new friends, growing closer to some of the students from PVC, playing sports again.

Jay doesn't hate Desert Edge!! In fact, his first day they cut classes short since the computers weren't allowing the new students on. I really pray he will excel here - catch up and graduate. He is so much smarter than high school.

I simply pray God's protection around the boys, their friends, their teachers. Pray they will make an impact for Jesus, the first day of school and beyond.

Crossing the Line

Growing up today is hard.

Friday night our house was teepeed and David's car was saran wrapped. If the culprits had stopped there it would have been okay. But they didn't. We had shredded paper towels, confetti, silly string and condoms all over the front yard too.

Brian spent about an hour cleaning then he and David went to the Man Law breakfast. So I spent the next hour and a half finishing cleaning the front yard. My hands were shaking from holding the leave thingy.

This morning I chatted with three of the culprits. They were remorseful, said they thought the boys would clean it up. I asked them how David could with a broken leg and Jay is lazy.

Sometimes it is hard to know where the lines are, where it goes from being funny to being destructive.

Hopefully they will learn.

David has a car!

David has a car. It all started with a dirt bike that was given to him. He traded it for a bigger bike. Then he traded that for another bike.

Then he broke his leg - ouch!

While healing he asked if it would be okay if he traded his bike for a car. Our response - it is your bike, be careful.

So David went to Craig's List. He checked out lots of cars. Finally, last week he found this one from Eric who was willing to trade for his dirt bike.

Eric is a mechanic who fixes up cars, then sells them. Mechanically the car is in pretty good shape - needs shocks and a speedometer, the interior needed some work that David and Brian did this weekend.

I am so proud of David for doing this all on his own.

Jay's Creativity

Jay created this art work for our bedroom. He had done one similar for Brian's Tres Dias weekend back in April. I told him what I wanted - in about two hours, it was done.

He has never even taken an art class - and neither of his parents can draw a stick figure!! I am so amazed at the creativity in this young man. Even more, I can't wait until he starts using this talent for God, then he will blossom.

I am so excited to see how he will grow as an artist.

Hacked By a Heckler(Crippled)

Alrighty blog world..I'm hacking my mom's blog due to failure of blogging everyday, but im not doing it alone im doing it with the help of another heckler (my dad).

Well my dad is the greatest thing in the world..He's fully supporting me getting my own first car a 1989 Ford Mustang..yeah i know it may not be stylish but hey when you were a ttenager was your 1st car stylin?? Nope, didnt think so..My Dad is like super Dad i have the coolest dad I dont care what you other people think. I'll beat you up..J/k But really I am blessed to have a dad like mine. I was just listening to some music and a country song(yes i listen to country..jesus would have too) with the lyrics "I've been watching you dad aint that cool..I'm your buckaroo, I wanna be like you...." And yes as any kid growing though they may not admit I watch almost 98% of what my dad does, the other 2 percent is his jokes or what he thinks are jokes but arent really, but i laugh out of love...I love my Dad..O.k enough about my dad"Next"

And now theres my mom, shes almost completely opposite of my dad, my dad likes to drive shes not a huge fan, my dad rides a dirtbike, SHES A GIRL, in other words she stays on a quad..While i watch my dad i also watch my mom too and yeah being the youngest i do tend to be spoiled sometimes but hey "IM A MOMMA'S BOY" deal with it..But the favorite thing about my mom not only is she cool but the fact that shes supportive, shes not to crazy about the fact i raced dirtbikes and im sure breaking my leg didnt make it any better but hey i did it, but the #1 thing i love about my mom, our family is nothing but baseball fans, well i play baseball.Position-Catcher, Age started 4, NUMBER OF GAMES MY MOM MISSED-ZERO!!! And idk about you guys but i think thats ultra cool...

Well enough of the hacking already, im sure my mom is wondering why i typed so long and told her not to come in the room, but its time to post this and let her in the room..thats not really the reason im getting off..if i stayed on any longer it would be a book not blog..Im getting off to go get my mustang!!!

Nice Talking to you blogworld!!

Sincerely
The Hacker
The Crippled

David Wuerfel

Prayers

So many prayers on mind tonight -

Brian - to get through the certification process, grow more in love with Jesus, his feelings of rejection, to watch his tone of voice

Jay - to grow in his love for Jesus and grow in the commitment he made at camp, school, find a job, not fight with Brian, accountability to Fred

David - healing in his leg, school, grow in his relationship with Jesus

Kara - manage her time and finances well, school, wise choices in dating

Mom - to have an amazing time with Julie, I am so blessed to have her!!

Tasha - a possible new job, school, Zeke, Sprae

Sprae - school, working, Tasha

Darius/Nicole - the new baby - thank you Jesus!

Youth Mentors - to be 110% committed, to allow the Holy Spirit to use them, for open doors with the students, to hold the students accountable

Students - power to be sold out for Jesus and live that on their campuses and in their lives

Greg/Lori - wisdom as they lead Palm Valley, to keep the focus on Jesus

Persecuted brothers and sisters - praise for the faith, courage and boldness, peace and comfort

I am so thankful the Holy Spirit can take this jumbled mess in my mind and understand and intercede with me with all of these requests, and go even deeper than my mind can fathom.

Thank you Lord!!

God is Not a Computer

Most of my day was spent with two of our IT geeks working on an automated testing program. Sounds complicated and it is. Every key stroke is recorded, sometimes things worked, other times they didn't.

So Pat and John had dig behind the scenes and find out what was different when it didn't work.

Had me thinking about God. How He knows every thing we do, every day. He knows our thoughts and our feelings. He cares about all of that!!

It doesn't matter to Him if we do things one way this time and another way the next time - He still loves us.

I am so glad that God is not a computer!!

Stand Still

I am blessed. Even with everything that has happened this summer - I am so blessed.

In my SOAP today Jehoshaphat asks the Lord for guidance. In 2 Chronicles 20:17 "But you will not even need to fight. Take your positions; then stand still and watch the Lord's victory. He is with you... Do not be afraid or discouraged. Go out against them tomorrow, for the Lord is with you!"

All God needed Jehoshaphat to do was to take his position. How simple? But how often does God ask me to take a position and I don't? There are so many areas where I miss the blessing when I try to fight the battle, rather than letting God.

Lord, help me to let You have the battles. Help me simply prepare, then be willing to stand still and watch You get the victory.

Thank you because You have already won.

They're Home

Jay and David are home! I didn't realize how much I missed having them around.

And, God did some amazing things in their lives. We are just hearing bits and pieces of what went on and how God is working. They deepened some friendships, made new friends. They learned a lot about their relationships with God (thank you Pastor Greg and Pastor Darius!). They learned how valuable they are to God.

I pray they will continue seeking after God. I also pray that Brian and I will be able to encourage them, love them and hold them accountable.

They are growing into such amazing men of God. Thank you Jesus.

The Holy Spirit

We don't talk much about the Holy Spirit. Perhaps we aren't comfortable with emotion we often equate with our Pentacostal brothers and sisters. But as I was reading today in Romans I think we might be missing something.

Romans 8:26 says "And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don't know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words."

Groaning seems deep to me, taking our needs, and maybe wants, to the throne of God and placing them before Him when we don't know what to pray for. Or maybe sometimes joining our prayers.

This is so comforting - knowing I am not alone. The Holy Spirit is interceding for me and the needs in my life.

Thank you Lord.

Daddy

My SOAP today was out of Romans, verse 15 - Now we call him, "Abba, Father". I know that means Daddy.

I feel so blessed, my father was an amazing man. I was loved, protected, held accountable.

Yet, I see people who have had horrible fathers - men who had no right to procreate.

How does one come to understand the full nature of God as Daddy when you haven't experienced Daddy love?

Day by day I am more amazed at all the blessing God has poured out on me - starting with blessing me with fantastic parents. I only pray I can be half as good as they have been.

Family

Families are strange. They can make you want to run screaming naked down the street to get away from them. Yet, they can also make you feel like the most special person in the world.

God has blessed me with amazing children - Kara, Jay and David. Then He blessed me some more with Tasha, Zeke, Sprae and Chelsea. Plus there are so many of the students that have become such a big part of my life.

This morning I woke up really early - 4:20, wide awake. So I started praying first for Jay and David, then for the rest of our students up in Colorado. God is working up there, the Holy Spirit is moving.

That is what is so cool about the church - it is a great big family. I can't wait to hear how God moved through camp!!

Faith

This morning Jay and David left for camp. Yes, David with the broken leg, went to camp. We left the decision up to him. The doctor didn't encourage it, but also didn't say no.....

So here I am relying totally on faith.

Faith God will protect David's leg, will teach him in new and different ways and will surround him with love.

Faith God will work a miracle in Jay's life, will show Jay how much he is loved, will open Jay's heart and help him have an amazing life in Jesus.

Just need to keep reminding myself - God loves these young men much more than I ever could. He has a purpose for them and wants them to glorify Jesus.

God is so good

God is so good. This morning Brian passed his physical agility test with flying colors. He went over the dreaded wall without a problem. Thank you Jesus!!

We are praying really hard the rest of the stuff happens quickly.

David is feeling stronger every day. We did buy a wheelchair today. Brian registered him for Verrado High School and the campus is BIG. So for $60 David can make it to class on time. Then perhaps I will be able to use it!!

My SOAP today was on 1 Chronicles 28:9 - "Worship and serve him with your whole heart and a willing mind. For the Lord sees every heart and knows every plan and thought. If you seek him, you will find him. But if you forsake him, he will reject you forever."

It is so amazing to think the God of the universe knows everything about me. He knows what we have been going through and is holding me close to him. Oh to seek him more and more.

The Hospital Experience

What a crazy couple of days. The surgery went well. David now has a titanium rod in his left leg along with five screws. The surgery went well, David has already started healing so the doctor had to rebreak his leg to get the rod in.

The problem arose when David couldn't pee. Couldn't eat or drink after midnight, surgery was at 12:40, 3:30am the next morning David still hasn't peed. Therefore, he got to experience a catheter. It was temporary, in other words, they simply emptied his bladder. Not to make it easy, David still couldn't pee. Dr. Doug gives him until noon. I send out a text asking people to pray for David to pee. Finally, at 11:47 - victory!!

I love it that God loves us so much He is concerned about every aspect of our life - including whether or not we can go!!

David was released this morning and is home from the hospital. Pretty tired and sore but well on the road to recovery.

Surgery

Today is the first time one of our children will have surgery. So, God has truly blessed us. That doesn't mean I got much sleep last night.....

I would take David's pain if I could. But, then I can't imagine ever getting on a dirt bike, much less trying to jump the thing. What a visual!!

God IS in control. David will come out stronger. And Brian and I will learn to trust Jesus a little bit more. Thank you Lord for these lessons YOU are teaching.

Pain

Brian's dad (Don) has prostrate cancer. The relationship between our families has been strained to put it mildly. Don was scheduled for surgery today. Brian called yesterday to find out what hospital, how he was feeling, to let him know we are praying for him.

Brian was told by his mother, he is no longer a part of the family, he is not welcome at the hospital and he has disgraced the family.

So, my kind gentle husband who loves Jesus so much is hurting. How does one deal with that kind of rejection. How does a parent turn their back on their child, especially when they claim to be a Christian?

There are very few people who have more of a servan'ts heart than Brian. He will put everyone else before himself. He has more compassion in his little finger than I have in all of my body. Yet I know God will use this to further refine Brian as he continues growing in the Lord.

Scaring satan

My Mom, who is an absolutely incredible lady sent me the following:

Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders & says... 'Oh no!!!! ...she's awake!!

Bursting Through

My SOAP today was in II Chronicles 13:10-11. David asks God if he should go to battle. God says yes. David obeys. Then he exclaims - "He used me to burst through my enemies like a raging flood!".

How cool.
1. Ask God
2. Obey God
3. Praise God and give thanks

And, God didn't just answer - David BURST through his enemies. God's not a wimp - He has some incredible power.

So I am claiming that God will burst through the enemies attacking us and He will get the glory!!

Thank you Jesus!!

The Straw that Almost Broke the Camel's Back

Well it happened today - there was a straw that almost broke the camel's back. It was a pretty intense day at work, lots to do and things were just challenging (common for this time of the month).

I made a suggestion that was shot down by my direct boss. Since the suggestion was logical and much needed I was mad. Then instead of leaving me alone to calm down, she kept pushing and pushing about how she was right.

God is so good. He kept my mouth shut!! I didn't say anything. Finally she left.

About an hour later her boss sent out an email saying this was a good idea and we should have a meeting on it Monday. It took a lot not to go say "ha ha". But again, God is good and kept my mouth shut.

What could have been the straw that broke the camel's back (or sent me over the edge) didn't. I am so amazed at how God takes care of me.

God is Carrying Me Through

My SOAP today was Psalm 7:10, God is my shield, saving those whose hearts are true and right.

I had never thought about God as a shield. But He is - He is shielding me from so many of the firey darts that satan is throwing at us. The cool thing about a shield is it can move around so that God can protect me wherever I am being attacked (even if it is from all sides!).

This verse brought me much comfort today. God is my protector. While I don't know if everything that is happening is a test or an attack or what - I do know I have a Protector who loves me so much.

All that is going on is just bringing me a step closer to Heaven. And for this leg of the journey - God is carrying me.

Thank you Jesus!

Sleep

This afternoon I was sitting in my office and just felt SO sleepy. Don't know if everything is catching up to me or what. I got up and went for a walk around the office.

I think God is pretty smart to have designed us to need sleep. A time to shut down. I am sure I haven't slept well over the last two weeks, but I do know that my body and mind needed the down time.

Hopefully this weekend we can have some really good sleep!!

Student Ministries

Tonight I spent a couple of hours making phone calls, sending emails, writing out cards to our current and potential Youth Volunteers. I am so excited.

Darius has such an amazing vision. And, the volunteers are getting it!! As I have been praying for our students, I can help but pray for revivial. It is through our young people it will start.

We pray for people to stand in the gap, to reach out and God is answering big time. I can't wait to see how He will rock our socks off.

Thankful

I am so thankful for my friends and family. This morning I received so many hugs - just what I needed.

After this past week I am not taking my friends or prayer or God for granted any more. I need all of them. Quite honestly, I am not sure how I would have made it through without the prayers of those around me.

So often we try to insulate ourselves - not let anyone see what is going on inside, not let anyone see we are hurting, not let anyone know how afraid we are. Maybe that is why God allowed all of this to happen - to show me how much I need Him and His children.

While I would have preferred Him just writing on a wall or whispering in my ear, I have to trust that He knows best. He loves me most. And, we get to spend eternity together in Heaven.

God IS in Control

The last week has been crazy - moving, murder, attempted suicide, broken bones.... If we wrote a book no one would believe it.

Brian, Jay and David are blaming the blog for all of this stuff happening. Me - I think God loves us bunches.

He is refining us - shaping us to be more like Him. Psalm 1 says "For the Lord watches over the path of the godly". So I know He is in control.

The world won't understand at all. Sometimes I don't understand. Someday, though, we will see the whole plan.

Praise God!

Broken Bones

Seconds after my last post - the phone rang. It was Jay. David had broken his leg while dirt bike riding. Both the tibula and the fibula are broken - but cleanly. The ER doctor said it probably won't need surgery - Thank you Jesus.

David is in LOTS of pain. But, Billy and Melonie were with the boys. It is cool they have Youth Leaders who hang with them - even if it happens to be at a hospital!!

Praise

My SOAP today was on Psalm 150:6 - Let everything that breathes sing praises to the Lord! Praise the Lord!

It was so cool for God to redirect my mind - Praise the Lord! When times are tough - Praise the Lord! When I am so weary I don't think I can stand it - Praise the Lord! When my children are challenging - Praise the Lord!

The past seven days have been a series of challenges - Praise the Lord! When we make it through - Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord that He considers us worthy to go through all of this.

Praise the Lord!

Suicide

Suicide. Never thought it would come so close to me.

Yesterday Jay tried to commit suicide. He took a whole bunch of pills. Never in my life have I felt such sheer terror as I did while waiting for the paramedics and police. Never have I felt like such a failure as a parent.

God is good. Jay actually vomited out everything. The hospital ran a bunch of tests - he will be fine, perhaps a little constipated for a while.... Now we need to find a counselor, someone he will be willing to talk to.

He said he didn't really want to die - he just wanted to stop hurting. How do we cope with the pain in this world.

I worry about David and his feelings through all of this.

Times like this I feel so inadequate.

LIfe is Too Short Sometimes

In the midst of moving I received a phone call from my boss. One of the ladies I work with - her daughter was murdered this morning. She was 22 - the same age as one of our daughters.

It was violent. She leaves behind a three year old.

How do you make sense of something so tragic? How do you reach out to someone who is hurting so deeply? Why?

Almost Done with Moving

The past two days have been draining physically. I am not used to being on my feet ten hours a day (or going up and down stair so much!!). I have a new appreciation for the word weary.

We ended up hiring a couple of laborers to help on Thursday - they were great, it was money well spent. A couple of the guys from Student Ministries also helped - Jason and Marc.

We still have a couple of loads of miscellaneous stuff.

Chelsea also has been a dream. She is staying with us helping with Zeke who we have while Tasha is at the Women's Retreat. She has pitched in and helped a lot. She is a beautiful young lady of God.

We are truly blessed to have so many people in our lives who love us.

Ready, Set, Move

The big day is almost here. Part of me is excited to move to this new season of our lives. Part of me is sad to leave where we were. Part of me is really dreading the actual move and unpacking. Most of all I am trying to rest in God - knowing that He is leading us.

Already He is opening doors and showing Himself (again) to be faithful to where He called us to be. It will be fun to see how our lives change and how we can influence the lives around us.

Weary

It has been a BUSY weekend. I am weary to the bone. The painting is done except for the spare bedroom which is going to wait. We still have to put all the paint stuff away - but there is no where to put it!!

The books are in all in the shelves, in order. Now they are off the floor the loft looks bigger.

I will be so happy a week from now - when everything is moved and we are settling in.

I am so thankful for a God who loves me so much that He will carry me when I am so tired.

Creation

We are almost finished painting - just the boys bedsrooms and the bathroom upstairs. Thank you Jesus!!

While this has been a lot of fun and hard work it has also been a learning experience. Though I seldom watch television - HGTV is my favorite. So well I have been stepping out and trying new stuff (for me) it doesn't look as good as it does on tv.

It has also been cool to be creative - then I started thinking about how much fun God must have had when creating the world. Think about it - a clean slate, no preconceptions. Then He made us.

My scripture for today was out of the 139th Psalm, verse 14 - "Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous - how well I know it."

So, perhaps some of my creativity comes from the Master Creator - He does everything marvelously!!

A milestone

Well, today marks a milestone. David earned his driver's license. He is very proud of himself. And in reality, he is a very good driver.

This will make our lives a tad bit easier as he can now drive himself to work.

Our next milestones will be as the children drop off our auto insurance policy - kind of looking forward to that.

My God shall supply all my needs. The finances to pay for another driver. The peace that David will be safe. The knowledge God is in control!!

Frustration

It was a frustrating day. People asking questions, then not listening to the answers. Others asking questions they already know the answers to. Then others who don't ask the questions, but should.

Normally I don't think of other people as stupid, in fact I don't even like the word. But, sometimes I have difficulties figuring out what to love in someone. Knowing they were created by God, where is the good? And take it a step further, I am supposed to love these people who are raising my blood pressure!

Deep breath. My SOAP today was Psalm 136:1 - Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good! His faithful love endures forver.

His love endures for me, even when I am frustrated and not quite getting it - I must give thanks to the Lord. For He is so very good.

Planning

It all comes down to planning. Tonight I put together a schedule to get us moved in a timely and orderly fashion. My only question is - who will be the first one to mess it up??

The garage sale was successful - got rid of most of what we wanted to and made some money which will pay to have the jacuzzi moved.

Pretty much all of the downstairs is painted. By Sunday the rest should be done. Looks nice.

Just need to pack boxes, move boxes, then unpack boxes.

Most importantly - need to keep my focus. We are planning the Elevator and Wild Side groups for fall - and they will rock. We are hoping to go to eight groups for both High School and Junior High. So the painting and packing are good times to be praying for all these leaders.

Our leaders are taking it up to the next level - I am so proud of them. It is such an honor and privilege to work with Darius and Nicole and Jeremiah and Amber. They are amazing pastors!!

Race Day

Here they are - the two racers and their cheer leader.

David and Jay both had new bikes for this race - they both finished which is good. All the other races finished before them - but, hey, it was their third race.

They have mentioned spending more time riding and less time racing. Sounds good to me - whatever keeps them off the streets.






Of course Brian has to be in on the fun - though sitting outside when it is 110 may not be everyone's idea of fun. The things we do to support our children!

There are times I think he wants to be out there - riding in circles along with Jay and David.....













Even Grandma joins in. Now, how many Grandmas do you know who would go watch races in the heat? She has to be the absolute coolest Grandma around!!

We are truly blessed to have her!!

Garage Sale

I am currently questioning my sanity. Why on earth did we decide to have a garage sale? We are in the middle of moving, painting the new house, dealing with getting Kara a new car after she totalled the Kia, besides the fact there are two teenage boys in my life who think life revolves around racing dirt bikes!

Please Lord, help this be a successful garage sale and bring the people who want our stuff.

Home Teams

I love our Home Team. It was so much fun to get together last night for pizza and swimming. These people love me even on my ugly days, they encouarge me when things are tough (as they are now!), they stand by us, they are always there.

I can't imagine what people do who don't have Home Teams (or churches for that matter). Where does your hope come from? The Psalmist says "Our hope comes from the Lord, maker of Heaven and Earth!"

So if He created Heaven and Earth, I think He can handle our challenges and He gives us Home Teams to help us through until we get to Heaven. Perhaps Home Teams are a glimpse of Heaven.

SOAPs

I am really liking this SOAP stuff. The scripture I chose today was Psalm 127:1a - "Unless the Lord builds a house, the work of the builder is wasted."

How true (duh!). How much time do I waste chasing after what I think God might want rather than seeking His will and working where He wants me....

It is cool to think God wants to build in me. He loves me so much, the Creator of the Universe, that He wants to be part of my life. So instead of wasting time, I am going to invest more time in getting to know my Creator.

Incredible David

I love all of my children. Sometimes one of them just touches your heart.

Over the past few days as we have started moving I have been a tad grumpy, my knees are REALLY hurting and the stuff in my house in multiplying.

After dinner I went out to the garage to sort through stuff. Without being asked, David came out and just pitched in. He lifted boxes, he packed boxes and moved stuff around.

Then he took me to Starbucks for a iced green tea - he paid.

God is going to do great and mighty things with this young man. I am proud of him and love him more than he will ever know.

Busy Weekend

Friday when I left my office I thought it would be a relatively quiet weekend. Boy was I wrong!

Yesterday we did four loads to the new house, realized all of our furniture won't fit so guess we'll have a garage sale next weekend. Today while unpacking boxes of books - have to reuse those boxes, decided we need to paint and well, let's do it before we move in!!

Now we're looking at paint colors. I actually enjoy painting so this will be fun. Brian, Jay and David will handle the garage sale Friday, I will help on Saturday unless everything sells on Friday!!

Also on Saturday, Jay traded his 85 dirt bike for a 250 - all I know is it is louder. Apparently it goes faster too. Just what we need, Jay going faster....

Well David was going to do a deal with another guy, but the whole thing gave me an uneasy feeling - and I have learned to listen to those gut reactions. David is pretty disappointed, but God has a better bike for him.

So now I sit here looking at all this stuff I really need to pack up and all I want to do is take a nap!! But, if I take a nap, then I probably won't sleep as well tonight.

I just pray God pulls us through the next few weeks. Way a lot to do. I just need to remember to keep my time with Him sacred and everything else will fall into place.

My Head is Spinning

The last two days have been a whirlwind.

We notified Countrywide we were putting our home up for short sale. They were actually somewhat decent. Hopefully they will be kind when the offers come. We had to sign a ton of papers.

Tonight we had dinner with our new landlords - Larry and Patti. They are incredible Christian people. Again, we signed a bunch of papers.

Even though there is so much to do, I feel at peace. God is leading us. We will be closer to our church family. I am concerned about gas prices, don't understand how they can go up so quickly.

I will be thankful when Brian has completed his recertification. Not only will there be a substantial increase in pay, but he will be right in the center of where God wants him.

It is so cool to know that even during this chaos - God is in control. He reigns on His throne. He has the victory.