David does it again

My youngest child has the most sensitive heart.

After he broke his leg he decided to trade his dirt bike for a car. Well, the car wasn't all it was cracked up to be. David, in frustration, put the car on Craig's List. David and Brian still spent a lot of time "bonding" over the car, they even drove to Prescott to pick up another engine!

Since Brian rides a motorcycle and we have two vehicles it wasn't critical to get David's car fixed or to get rid of it.

Monday night David got a call about the car - someone was VERY interested and was willing to pay him what he was asking. I told David, "This is your car - it is your choice, what are you going to do with the money?"

David looked at me and said - "Give it to you, things are tough and I want to help."

He is an amazing young man, growing more and more to be like Jesus. I am very proud of him.

Choices

Life is funny. Sometimes a minor choice we make can have a major impact. Leaving a few minutes early avoids an accident, picking up the phone as you are walking out the door comforts a friend, making an unexpected stop allows you to run into an old friend.

Sometimes we don't even think about the choices we make. We get up and go to work every day. We go to church on Sundays (or Saturdays). We spend time with family and friends.

It would seem that would go for bad choices to - spending time with someone who is a bad influence brings us away from God, spending money we don't have on toys takes food out of the mouths of our family.

Choices - God gave us free choice. How often do I take that for granted? How often do I mess up because I am not thankful for free choice?

Thank you Lord for giving me free choice, and for picking me up when I fall.

Jay is 18

Jay turns 18 today. A bittersweet birthday. He has so much to learn and so far to go. He is no longer a child.

In many ways I miss him being a little boy, playing in the dirt with trucks, out on the baseball field, annoying his sisters.

Today he is responsible for his own actions. I pray he will continue making good decisions as he has for the past couple of days, he will seek God, he will continue his education.

We have raised him the best we can - now we trust God.

Men of God

Worship at Palm Valley today was incredible. Pastor Greg reminded us of how much Jesus went through at the cross, how he wasn't a wimp, but really very strong. He challenged the men in our church to step up and be all that God created them to be.

He asked them to come forward for a prayer of blessing if they were willing to step it up. I haven't cried this much in church in quite a while. To see men, promising to be what God created them to be. When David walked forward, it made me so proud. At 16 he gets it. He wants to be a Man of God.

I so appreciate our Pastor who is willing to preach the Gospel - without watering it down. Times like this morning I feel hopeful for our future.

Mental Health Care

We have spent the last four days intensely looking for assistance with Jay. Jay has been diagnosed bi-polar and has made some really bad decisions regarding drug usage. Every call starts with - Is it mental or drug related? The answer is yes.

The bottom line is - there are not many options in Arizona (who is ranked 50th in mental health care). Jay is on a waiting list for the place we feel would be best - but it could be 12 to 18 months before they have an opening.

So, we are learning to live with this disease called bi-polar. If he had leukemia or diabetes it would be more acceptable to many people. Why? This is a medical condition. God created Jay uniquely, he is NOT a mistake. Perhaps it is our own insecurities, our lack of understanding, our fear.

So we move forward into an unknown, praying for God's strength and wisdom. Knowing God who created Jay loves him more than we ever possibly could. God has great things planned for Jay.

Blessed

I feel so blessed. Last evening I shared with several of our prayer warrior friends what is going on in our lives. The emails I received today are such a comfort.

It was pretty cool too to see the way my co-workers rallied around me. I guess this is an opportunity to show them the love of Jesus. Hopefully I will be a good example.

I am so ready for this season to be over, to move on to the blessing. Maybe I need to figure out where the blessings are in this storm before it is over....

Be Still

Through all of the turmoil we are going through, someone told me to "Be Still". So today, in the midst of more stuff I did my best to give it to God and be still.

We are so blessed to have so many people praying with us, loving on us and just being there as we need someone. I can't wait until we are through this so we can be an encouragement to others, reminding them to give it to God and be still.

Umbrellas in the Desert

So here we were - out in the middle of no where. Kara and I put the umbrella up because it was quite warm. Well the wind was blowing so Kara ended up chasing the umbrella. It was very funny.

David decided she needed some help getting the umbrella down, thus I was able to snap this picture.

Parenting

I am sitting her tonight wondering about my children. We raised five of them, I gave birth to three. All are so very different. Three of them are not walking with the Lord. One of them we had very little influence on as he went to live with biological mom at 12 but the other two??

Did we do something wrong? Is there something we should have done differently or better? Why are they making these decisons? Don't they understand they are hurting themselves more than anyone?

Where does parental responsibility start and stop? Were we wrong to raise them in the church? Should we have given them more/less freedom?

If this is their failure - why do I hurt so much?

Families

Today Kara, Tom, David Brian and I headed to Crown King to take some pictures of outhouses then headed out so Brian and Tom could practice shooting.

It was a really fun time. We came home and went out to eat with my Mom. Families are really cool to hang out with. Where else can you sing songs from your childhood and not feel stupid? Who else shares so many memories? Where else can you be unconditionally loved and accepted?

God was pretty smart in creating families. And I am very blessed.

Good news at last

Brian has been in the process of being recertified as a Police Officer for 14 months. Yes, most places it takes six.

He has passed the physical agility (thank you Jesus!), the background and the polygraph. Next week the psychological and physical are scheduled. Due to the fact the written test is given only on the first Wednesday of each month we had resigned ourselves to it being November before the process is complete.

This morning there was an incident on the campus - now everything is on the fast track. We are praying REALLY REALLY hard that Brian will become board certified in September, then finish his testing. This would be HUGE in our lives.

I can't wait to see him in uniform, doing what God created him to do.

Torn

This is easily the most challenging time of my life. I love all of my children. Two of them are in conflict. One is obeying God, following the rules and being respectful. The other is doing his own thing, breaking lots of the rules and being disrepectful.

I love them both - but I must protect one from the other. How do I do that without alienating the other?

My heart is breaking. I want to do what is right for everyone, but even that is in conflict. I pray Brian and I have the strength to make wise decisions and carry them through.

Hurricanes

Way too much going on in my life right now. I feel like I am in the middle of a hurricane - just when it feels like nothing else can go wrong BAM. We are being hit from every side. AND, there is no end in sight.

The cool thing is - I am learning to lean on others. There is NO way I could make it through all of this without my family, my Home Team, my Student Ministries Team, my co-workers.

Some of the support I have received has come from the most unexpected places. People who have reached out and comforted me. Maybe this is the lesson I am supposed to learn.

I am going to try to reach out more - offer more comfort and kindness. It is a really nasty world and being Christ-like is what the world needs.

Protection

God is so amazing. I am a day behind in my Scripture reading so was catching up.

Psalm 57:1 - Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy! I look to you for protection. I will hide beneath the shadow of your wings until the danger passes by.

Not only is God protecting me under the shadow of His wings - He is promising the danger WILL pass by.

There have been times recently when I have been so discouraged and weary, not wuite knowing how much longer I can hold on. I don't have to hold on because God is holding on to me. He is protecting our family.

Thank you Lord.

Tears

Over the last few days I have shed A LOT of tears. Six years ago today my Dad died. Brian is in Colorado. Jay is acting like an idiot.

So today in my Scripture reading I come across Psalm 56:8 "You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book."

God not only hurts with me, He is collecting my tears and will turn them into joy. Perhaps the tears are a way to grow more like Jesus, to be able to hurt as He hurt.

I guess if I want to be more like Jesus, I have to be willing to hurt. I pray these things we are going through will bring glory to God. I simply want to reflect the love of my Savior.

Words

Someone said some pretty hurtful things to me today. While it made me sad, I realized I wasn't the one they are angry with. But the words still hurt.

I wonder how often my words hurt God.

Lord, help me be careful of the words I say. Let them be pure and blameless.

LIfe Lesson

God showed me a life lesson today. It was so cool.

I left work and it was sprinkling. A couple of miles down the road it starts raining harder. By the time I got to the freeway it was pouring monster drops. As I traveled down the freeway at 25 miles an hour (when we were moving) I watched the storm.

It was absolutely beautiful - the clouds were puffy and lots of different shades. Then it started to hail. Hail - in Phoenix. I still had about 15 miles until home. There was a little river down the median in the freeway. I figured it would take me another 45 minutes.

Then, all of sudden, the rain stopped. As I drove on the pavement dried out, the clouds thinned and traffic was great.

I pray the storm we are in is almost over. But, if it's not I'll keep watching the sky for Jesus.

Sad

I am sad. There is someone I love so much making really bad decisions and the only thing I can do is pray. How do we reach out to someone who doesn't want help? When (or do we) reach the point where we just back out?

How would Jesus handle the situation? Especially when the person says they love Jesus but the actions don't match the words.

Sometimes it just makes me so sad. Sometimes the tears just come. I guess this is one of those times where I just have to totally trust God that He is in control.

Growing Family

Last evening we invited Kara's boyfriend Tom and David's girlfriend Kayla to dinner. We had fun. I tried a new recipe for dinner, figured if it was bad we could order pizza!!

Tom is quiet. We'll need to spend some more time with him. He does treat Kara well and she is VERY demanding.

Kayla is a sweetheart. I have been able to get to know her through Student Ministries at Palm Valley. She didn't eat much but she could have been nervous about meeting Brian - he can be rather intimidating..... I appreciate the fact she doesn't let David get away with stuff. I hope they don't get too serious.

So our family is growing.

God is our Refuge and Strength

God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble - Psalm 46:1

• Funny how God knew we would go through times of trouble and storms.
• Amazing He wants to be our refuge and strength.
• Stupid, that I don't take advantage of the refuge and strength He offers me.

Being a Parent is Tough

Being a parent is tough. Sometimes I don't know if my children mean to hurt me with their words or they just aren't thinking. Are my expectations too high for them? Am I too sensitive?

I had hoped to spend some one on one time today with Jay. But as soon as he arrived home, he was out the door. On the drive home he was full of not being interested in what I had to say, even though it was a job possibility for him.

The next few weeks will be difficult. I am not looking forward to the choices that must be made. Will I be strong enough? Why is God allowing this to happen?

Then I think about how God must feel with us. We are rude, don't want to spend time with him. Do I ignore God when He is trying to help me?