This weekend I had the privilege of watching my nephew Stepanova race. The west coast circuit was in Phoenix so they flew down. His coach drove a toy hauler with five go carts from Seattle.

It was pretty cool to watch. Stepanova is in the lead car - number 22. He actual ended up 8th.

My brother-in-law Tim, Stepanova, David and their friend Derrick push the cart back to the pit.

I honestly never knew these things existed to transport the carts from the pit to the track.

It was a fun way to spend an afternoon.

God is talking to me

I am reading through the Bible for the second year in a row. Over the years I have done lots of studies, but not this consistent reading. It is pretty amazing.

We have been going through some pretty tough times. I am feeling pretty weary. About a week ago the scripture that stood out was Luke 21:19 - Stand firm (blogged on it already).

Today my scripture - Exodus 14:13-14 "Moses answered the people, "Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today...The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still."

Both the Old and New Testaments are telling me to Stand Firm and I will receive life and deliverance. And, God will fight for me, I just need to be still.

It is so incredible to think the Creator of the Universe knew I needed to hear these words at this point in my life, not once but twice.

So I will stand firm in the Lord, knowing He is in control and that all the chaos surrounding me will bring Him glory and honor.

Wedding Site

It looks like Kara has found a site for the wedding. Just have to figure out how it will all get paid for!!

It is a beautiful campground - 14 cabins. They all have to be rented to wedding people and then the whole place is ours. Lots of photo ops - even a playground!! The cool thing is Brian and I would have our own cabin to run away to if it gets too stressful!!

Kara seems to have everything under control - but she is stressing WAY too much, part of that is her.

And, the way I look at this - it will all be over in six months.

Learning

The trial of Kiera, the young lady who kicked David in his boy parts in December 2007 was supposed to be today. David and I drove to Florence. The prosecutor talked to David about what he would be doing on the stand. Then Kiera changed her plea to guilty. So we drove the almost two hours home. Hopefully she will learn something through this process.

Since I had a couple of open hours, I decided to clean Jay's room. It was bittersweet. So much of his life is here, now neatly in drawers and boxes. Yet it makes me sad. We haven't heard from him. Part of me is enjoying the peace and quiet. Part of me hurts something awful. He is my child. I love him. More importantly, he is making bad decisions.

Why is it some of us learn quickly and others take so long to get it? How come being a parent is so hard?

Patience

We found out today Brian did not get a job he really wanted. He was their second choice. This process of searching for a job seems to have gone on for so long.

The process of losing our home is taking a long time also. Looks like there will be a foreclosure sale in April. It is amusing that our hardship letter wasn't accepted. I mean, Brian was making REALLY good money as an adjuster - there is no work so he changed careers to bring money in. Isn't that a hardship?

God did NOT bless Brian with patience at all. So he is frustrated. Patience has been something God blessed me with though I am growing weary of all this negative stuff happening.

So in my time with the Lord this morning what do I read - Genesis 50:20 "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives".

I doubt what we are going through will save lives, perhaps. But, God does intend for everything happening to us to bring glory to His name. So we are waiting to see how God works this out.

Growing and Maturing

A while back Pastor Greg challenged us to start tithing. This is tough for us as we cannot even make our monthly bills. But, after a lot of prayer, we starting tithing.

At Home Team last Thursday I was challenged to make some stands and practice Tough Love.

Today Pastor Greg challenged us to get physically fit. About two years ago I lost almost 50 pounds. Over the past few months I found about eight of them (I eat when stressed!). So now I have decided to resume healthy eating and start an exercise plan.

My friend Trish then reiterated what our Home Team said, I need to stand firm - and she is holding me accountable.

So it looks like 2009 is going to be one of growing and maturing. It will be cool to see where I am at the end of the year.

More Tough Love

I sit here on a quiet Wednesday evening knowing the decsions we have made are the right ones. But my heart hurts.

Why is it when you do the right thing the pain is so intense? Why do people hurt each other? Why don't we learn from our mistakes (and look at what others do and learn from their errors)?

Part of me wants to lay down on the ground kicking and screaming like a two year old. Part of me wants to curl up in my bed and pull the blankets over my head. Part of me wants to go grab our son and shake him until his teeth rattle!

Instead, I sit here quietly with the Lord. I am very thankful He understands my questions, my anger, my pain. He isn't going to bail on me just because things are tough. He understands the tears. Some day, hopefully, I will understand why this is all happening.

For now, I pray. Pray Jay will reach the bottom and look up and see Jesus. Jesus who has always been there for him and will always be there for him. Jesus who looks beyond the tatoos and smoke, beyond the anger and hostility. Jesus who sees a little boy who wants to be loved. Jesus who will take Jay's hand when he reaches out.

How Great is Our God

I have been rereading Tozer's "The Knowledge of the Holy". One of the things standing out to me is how often we sell God short. We don't understand his majesty. We don't comprehend how huge He is.

He is the author and creator of ALL creation. He keeps it all going. And, He loves us.

Perhaps we have been complacent and laid back in trying to share our faith - wanting people to love Him and accept Him, so we make Him more human.

Perhaps it is fear that causes us to not fully grasp, afterall He will judge each one of us.

We sing the song - How Great is Our God? - but do we REALLY get it?

The question really comes down to - not how big is the storm, but how big is my God?

Winter

There is a reason I live in Arizona - I don't like being cold. Yes, I am a wimp. The past few days have been COLD!!

The other thing about winter - I leave for work and it is dark, I get home and it is dark. I go for five whole days without seeing my home in sunlight!!

Soon though, the weather will warm up and I can open the windows and feel the breeze. I can wear capris and sandals without my feet freezing.

Some people say hell is hot - I am convinced (just like my Dad was) that hell is cold and damp!!

A New Year

Already it is five days into 2009. 2008 was not kind to us. So I am excited to see what happens this year.

Brian will find a better job. Jay will finish high school (hopefully!). David will be David. Kara will get married. Hopefully we will be approved as foster parents and be able to share our home with children in need. Student Ministries will continue to bring students to Jesus, then help them grow.

And, we will be closer to spending eternity with Jesus in Heaven.