More Tough Love

I sit here on a quiet Wednesday evening knowing the decsions we have made are the right ones. But my heart hurts.

Why is it when you do the right thing the pain is so intense? Why do people hurt each other? Why don't we learn from our mistakes (and look at what others do and learn from their errors)?

Part of me wants to lay down on the ground kicking and screaming like a two year old. Part of me wants to curl up in my bed and pull the blankets over my head. Part of me wants to go grab our son and shake him until his teeth rattle!

Instead, I sit here quietly with the Lord. I am very thankful He understands my questions, my anger, my pain. He isn't going to bail on me just because things are tough. He understands the tears. Some day, hopefully, I will understand why this is all happening.

For now, I pray. Pray Jay will reach the bottom and look up and see Jesus. Jesus who has always been there for him and will always be there for him. Jesus who looks beyond the tatoos and smoke, beyond the anger and hostility. Jesus who sees a little boy who wants to be loved. Jesus who will take Jay's hand when he reaches out.