Christmas and the Future

Since there is a son-in-law and a girlfriend... we decided to shake things up and did our Christmas on Christmas Eve. It was an amazing evening with our children Kara and Tom (son-in-law), Jay, David and his girlfriend Chelsea.

After appetizers we opened gifts then shared a wonderful meal with the main dish cooked by Brian - prime rib. Before having birthday cake for Jesus we played the game Fact or Crap - had a hilarious time.

I anticipated waking up sad with no presents - but I am not. I feel very content. Perhaps I am finally understanding the words of Paul - "I have learned in all things to be content."

2009 was a rough year. This was a great way to end it. We are blessed to have children who are making good decisions and contributing to the world. We truly enjoy spending time with them. 2010 is going to be a good year.

It is an honor, a privilege and a blessing to follow Jesus - wherever He leads us. We are so excited to see how God will work in and through our lives.

God is so good.

Interesting week

WOW what a weekend we have had. Friday we were to spend the evening with Vicki's mother and family to celebrate Christmas since her mother is going to Seattle to be with Vicki's sister for Christmas. Just as we walked into the house, the cell phone began to ring and ring and ring with various numbers popping up.

I answered one of the calls and it was Good Samaritan Hospital calling to tell us Heather has been involved in a serious accident and we needed to get to the hospital right away. The next call was the Phoenix Police calling to ask for family to respond to 30 street and Cactus where there had been an accident. Heather had been riding her bicycle home from work and had been struck by a vehicle which had turned in front of her at approximately 25MPH. Heather had been knocked off her bicycle and had a badly broken left leg and numerous scrapes and bruises. since Heather had been knocked about 30 feet and rolled after striking the pavement, she was classified as a level one trauma patient and transported to the hospital. Surgery at 10PM for a broken tibia and fibula. Heather is healing and has gone home to continue her healing.

Since family relations are still strained this made for a difficult evening yet with all the prayers, God came through in a Big way. Well after dealing with Heather, Vicki's mother called yesterday to say she is seeing a cardiologist for heart problems and they need to do an angiogram asap. Her mother is still going to Seattle and will have her operation January 4, 2010.

Please keep our family in prayers as we heal from our wounds and God continue to guide the doctors as they work on our loved ones.

We are so looking forward to 2010 and are excited to place this year behind us as we move forward.

Serving

We had the opportunity yesterday to serve in South Phoenix at Holiday Fun Fest. Helped Americans For a Better Tomorrow and Southern Baptist Temple provide lunch, program and stockings for about 750 children.

Since both of us are physically recovering we were able to mingle with the folks, love on the children and see the joy of Jesus on their faces.

This is one of the things we do to keep ourselves focused - to remember not only Jesus is our Savior and loves us so much but we are blessed mightily.

We have done this for nine years, it is cool to see faces, even more amazing is some of the children remember us. Our prayer is - they see Jesus in our lives, hear Him in our words and sense Him in our touch.

He is the reason for the season.

No Road Trip

It is sad. Our road trip has been postponed. Rex is having surgery and the weather is pretty yucky.

No fear - we have already filled up our calendar with Glendale Glitters, a movie and the Holiday Fun Fest.

God's timing is always perfect. He is good.

Road Trip

Instead of exchanging gifts with each other - we are taking a road trip. We are headed to Cedaredge, Colorado to visit our Spiritual Parents - Rex and Joyce.

We leave on Thursday and will spend a couple of days with them. It will be so good to get hugs, visit and just relax.

Brian is hoping for snow - Vicki is not. Maybe we will even find some antiques for our new home. No, we're not moving, just open to where the Lord is leading.

He is so good - surrounding us with family and friends who love Jesus.

Another Miracle

Brian came through surgery splendidly. Dr. Doug cleaned up his shoulder and reattached the tendon using some anchor thingy that will dissolve.... He also gave me pictures of inside Brian's shoulder. Should these be used on our Christmas cards we aren't going to send???

Anyway, he is sleeping, snoring loud enough to let me know he is here.

God is so good. We are truly blessed.

More Surgery and Miracles

Tomorrow (Wednesday, December 2) is Brian's turn to go under the knife. At 7:30am he will have arthroscopic surgery on his right shoulder. We are praying Dr. Doug will be able to fix it easily and the recovery will go quickly.

Men are so different from women (duh!). Brian is worried about what he will eat tonight (Tuesday) since he might miss a meal or two tomorrow. I am planning on having some red jello handy (one of the few things that doesn't taste too bad coming back up, yes, I speak from experience....).

God has been so amazing through my surgery and recovery - we have no doubts Brian will be another miracle.

Funny thing - once you start experiencing God's miracles, you want more. So we spend more time in prayer, more time studying His Word and more time serving. This way we get to see lots and lots of miracles.

It is such a joy to serve the Creator of the Universe. God is so good.

Thankful

Okay, it is two days after Thanksgiving....but we are so thankful for all the blessings God has showered on us.

Family - we have some pretty amazing children. Not all doing what we think they should (or even making the best choices) but they are all just where they need to be right now. We have parents (both spiritual and physical) who we want to wrap our arms around and love on.

Friends - we have the best friends who surround us with love and laughter. They have been our support system through the tough times.

Of course, our Lord - He has been our strength, our comfort, our joy, our everything. He is the reason we have so much love in our lives. We are thankful for the sacrifce He gave for us. And we are excited to see where He will lead us over the next year.

God is so good.

20 years of adventure

We had such a wonderful weekend. It all started with a trip to Sedona to view the Christmas lights at Red Rock Fantasy (Los Abrigados Resort). We visited with many friends that we had known during the years we decorated in the past.

We waited for the modern day sleigh(helicopter) to arrive with Santa and pull the official switch to signal the beginning of R.R.F. We walked yes that is correct, we walked through the resort viewing the wonderful displays. After viewing the lights. We headed to Oaxca Mexican restaurant where we had our first date over 20 years ago.

Before the evening was over, Brian surprised Vicki saying we were going to Laughlin for Friday evening. Our room at Harrah's and meals had already been arranged at no cost to us so how could we refuse such an offer? The room was not ready when we arrived but since Vicki was hurting from the car ride, they moved us up on the priority list and we were given our room assignment on the fourth floor looking directly at the Colorado River.

Since Brian likes seafood and Vicki is learning to eat the many varieties of seafood, we ate dinner at the Market Buffet. The service, food and room was outstanding and it was a wonderful way to celebrate our 20th anniversary which is November 24.

After all that we have been and are going through, we are learning to appreciate each other and our love is growing deeper for each other and the Lord. We are so blessed....

Alone TIme

Today is Brian's last day to work until Sunday. We are headed to Sedona on Thursday to see the Los Abrigados Red Rock Fantasy Lights on. Friday we head to Laughlin just to hang out.

Our 20th anniversary is next Tuesday, not sure how we will celebrate - but we will be celebrating.

God has allowed us to have an amazing journey over the last 20 years - some tough stuff, some odd stuff, some good stuff, some miraculous stuff. I can't wait for the next 20 to spend with my best friend, my lover, the most amazing man God created just for me.

God is good.

Direction

For the past week we have been looking at houses. The lease where we are is up next summer and we definitely don't want to stay here. The question is - where do we want to be?

We have been praying hard for direction and wisdom and timing.

We have looked at a homes in foreclosure, we have looked at new homes, we have looked at homes in subdivisions, we have looked at homes on acreage...... We have seen homes that are immaculate and others that need A LOT of work.

So as we move forward it will be interesting to see how God leads us - we are open and simply want to be His servants.

God is so good.

Being Taken Care Of

Brian is amazing. Over the past few weeks he has taken over all of the cooking, cleaning (what Kara doesn't do), shopping, bill paying plus he takes care of me and he is working overtime.

He also has figured out our time share and how to roll it over and is working on converting it into a cruise. I am so thankful he is gifted in planning and organization.

This morning he worked a couple of hours overtime and arrived home to help harass me through physical therapy. Next week I start going to the clinic.

It has been fun just to hang out this morning. Tomorrow we are going to go look at property. It will be exciting to see where God leads us.

Over the past few weeks God has really been teaching me to let others take care of me. It has been a difficult lesson. But, as He usually does, God showed up big time and together we are growing closer to Him.

He is so good!

Children

We are blessed with some amazing children. Over the past three weeks it has been interesting to watch them respond to Mom being out of commission.

Jay took over as the "ice man" - always ready to refill the ice machine or bring me slush packs for the knees. He also made some pretty darn good scrambled eggs!

David has been willing to drive me on short trips and even made pizza for lunch today.

Kara comes over on Tuesdays and cleans the house!! Wow. It is good to spend time with her and catch up. Yesterday I woke up from a nap and smelled clean.....

Though at times they can be frustrating - it is a joy to watch as they are growing in the Lord and maturing.

God is so very good.

Family Vacation

Brian and I started talking about a family vacation. Looks like we will probably take a cruise to Mexico next spring.

Brian is such a good planner. He is good at maximizing our value so we can do lots. So far he has been on about four different web sites pricing, comparing, contrasting. I suggested he put together a spreadsheet so my brain can comprehend!!

It will be good to have the children together, hopefully they are adult enough there won't be too much bickering!!

God has blessed us with great kids and good relationships. He is so good.

Progress

Well I am now walking with a cane! No one told me my balance would be off - but it is logical if you watch a baby learning to walk. I am just thankful I haven't fallen on my bum!!

The pain has been so much less than I expected, or I had so much pain before this is an improvement. Either way it works for me. The scars are about six inches on each knee, I will be thankful as the skin loosens up and it doesn't feel like it is pulling all the time.

A couple of nights ago I even slept on my tummy!! I have a new appreciation for being able to turn over easily.

Between Brian, Jay, David, Kara, my Mom, our Small Group and other friends from Palm Valley - I have been totally surrounded with love and food. This has been a learning experience for me.

Yesterday Brian, Jay and I went to the Goodyear Swap Meet for breakfast and to look at the car show - it was good to be out and about though I did overdo it a bit and am really tired today....

God is so good.

Moving Good!!

Today I am feeling good and am moving good! The muscles (yes I have them!) are not wavering between tense and jello.

Looking forward to going to the doctor tomorrow and hopefully getting all the tape off my knees. It is more annoying than anything.

Tomorrow will also be my first time out of the house in ten days!! Brian has a doctor appointment on Thursday and we want to go to Small Group.

Our Small Group has been absolutely amazing - they have been bringing dinner since I arrived home - it will be tough to feed ourselves.

We are so very blessed.

Healing Frustration part 2

Since Vicki came home last week, we have had a visiting nurse and a wonderful physical therapist visiting the home treating Vicki and getting her moving agian. The frustrating thing is that the doctor says one thing. the therapist says another and the nusrse yet another. Who do you believe?

Since Vicki is taking Coumidin, her nusrse is suppose to monitor the blood and regulate the dosage. Tuesday the nurse arrived and Vicki had just finished PT so her blood pressure was slightly elevated. The nurse took her blood and told her the coumidin was at a 1.5 and she needed to take three pills a day and when she came back yesterday, the level was at a dangerous 4.5. She was told not to take any more until next week. Vicki has been weak and having headaches and the doctor says it is most likely caused by the high coumidin level and she should eat vitamin K foods to bring the level back and should this continue we need to go to the hospital.

Seems like she takes three steps forward and four backwards with the coumidin, not to mention the volume of hair that our drains are eating....Well she is feeling better but still has the headache, so she is staying in bed most of the time and moving every 5 mins and wanting something else since she cant get comfortable.

The bruising seems to be clearing and she has more motion than the day before but it is without a price. Makes us appreciate the suffering Christ paid for each of us.

Frustrated

Since Vicki has been out of the hospital, we have been looking for a second pair of compression stockings. One would think that you could go to the drug store and get them from the pharmacist. WRONG>>>> You need multiple pieces of information in order to order these stockings. Well at the moment we have decided not to get them since she sees the doctor on Wednesday and as Murphy's Rule goes, they would get changed or as Vicki hopes taken away.

Vicki has been working very hard with her therapy and has been very tired when Brian gets home. We have had dinners brought into the home ( THANK YOU) and often after dinner, Vicki is ready to call it a day. Today she had her therapy in the morning and was worked hard but had the afternoon to rest. (I like this idea) we were able to talk and spend time together before calling it a night.

Vicki is hoping to get out for a special evening Saturday we are looking forward to spending the evening with many close friends.

Please continue the prayers for the healing. Need to go assist Vicki and make sure she does not over do it.....

Kara

Kara came over and spent the day taking care of me and cleaning the house. She also noted our recent blogs are all about my pain and how wonderful Brian is.....

She is am amazing daughter - we are so proud of her. She is facing the adversity of being unemployed with a positive, sunny attitude. She was patient with her brothers as they were in rare form today. It was great to have them all together!!

God is good.

Better

Feeling much better today. The swellng in the left leg (painful one) is down. Brian made a slush ice bag that I used for several hours last night - it really helped.

Hoping the PT will be kind and reasonsable.... I can't wait until pain is a thing of the past.

Also, can't wait until Brian comes home.

God is so good!

Physical Therapy is Tough!

Day 5 Post Op - Physical Therapy is tough. Amazing how 15 iterations of five exercises can make me nap for an hour!! It has to be done.

I think the whole thing will be easier when the bruises are gone - they are pretty intense.

Brian is amazing though he worries way too much. This has been really good for our relationship as I am totally dependent upon him.

God is good.

God is Amazing

We are home. It was a crazy long week. The pain was so much less than I anticipated. God honored the prayers of His people.

Brian has been amazing. He stayed with me throught the whole thing. He cried more than I did!! I cried once when they put the motion machine on my right leg - it hurt. He wiped his eyes a lot.... I am so blessed to have a devoted husband.

So now on to learning to walk without the walker. The exercises are tough - the physical therapist will be here tomorrow. But at least we are sleeping in our own bed. No one will come in at 4:00am to take blood or poke or prod or ask how I am feeling.

Thanks for all the prayers. God is good.

sucessful surgery

Vicki came through surgery without any complications. The surgery was just under four hours and the knees look great. I am spending the days and evenings with her at the hospital. Last night she had very little pain. At 0400hrs they put her in the motion machine and she has a little pain but said she feels good.

She will be home Friday and thanks to all who prayed.

Gotta go back to the hospital and bring her some warm clothes and a fuzzy blanket.

How low will it go?

As fully devoted followers of Christ we are not usually surprised at how the evil one attacks. In fact, as we are walking with the Lord, we expect them.

Yesterday we were having a marvelous day - we drove to Prescott, looked at some model homes, had a picnic then spent time with our Tres Dias friends.

During the day a text came in requesting Brian pay for things that are not his responsibility. The text then went on to say if he didn't pay, he would not get his Christmas ornaments back....

Brian's sin experience was tough emotionally and financially but GLORY TO GOD, we have the victory in Christ Jesus. So to take something not yours and hold it is not only exthortion, but it is pathetic. How low will the evil one go?

Christmas ornaments can be replaced. Brian is back in fellowship with the Father, our marriage is healing and growing. God is good.

Bionic parts

Vicki is going into the hospital early Tuesday morning to have her knees replaced. We are excited as she has been in so much pain and limited in her activities. I am concerned about the healing and dont want her be in any more pain and look forward to a new life with her. The process has been stressful with getting all the pre op work completed and hearing the EKG was abnormal and after following up with the Cardiologist all is "perfect" as he said.

I am so proud of Vicki for working so hard to loose extra weight and excercise inorder to assist her with her recovery. I will work a short week and will be with her at the hospital Tuesday through Sunday when I need to retun. Our home team has been so supportaive and will be assisting us through the process as well. Thank you home team.....

On a separate note. I got the results of the nerve study back and there is a blockage in my right shoulder, causing my fingers to tingle and be numb. I went to the doctor yesterday and he found additional damage in the shoulder and has ordered another MRI to be done Thursday morning. I will then follow up to discuss the damage and make arrangements for surgery. The doctor jokingly told me he could do the surgery Tuesday and Vicki and I could share a room. We actually discussed needing to get Vicki through and on her way before I went under the knife but will need to get it done before the end of the year.....So looks like November-December and I will be out of work for about 6 weeks.

We ask each of you to pray for our family as we go through this entire process and for the doctors working on each of us.

Sundays

For my entire life we went to church on Sunday. Now that Brian is working on Sundays - we go Saturday evenings. We like it a lot - more intimate.

My Sundays now I can play around - made an angel food cake and peanut butter cookie dough, will have chicken and asparagus, rice, squash and rolls for dinner. I enjoy having time to cook/bake - Brian, Jay and David seem to like it too!!

Will be able to spend some time this afternoon on a work project.... not always fun, but it has to get done.

I am so blessed - amazing family, wonderful church and a job I truly enjoy. God is good.

Future Homes

Went looking at houses today. So much fun to plan for the future. We are really praying for direction - where do we want to live, how big of a house, what style, how much land.....

It is fun not to have to worry about school districts AND plan the grandchildren's room.... (Kara, Jay and David - not too soon though!!)

We just love the fact that we will spend months (maybe even years) planning our next home. God has been working on heaven for over 2,000 years - it is going to be amazing!!

God is so good.

Property

Brian and I had a blast yesterday. After our $2.00 breakfast at the Goodyear Swap Meet we went out looking at houses / property.

We looked at lots of houses (all from the outside) and spent time talking about what we want as far as size, bedrooms, etc. We are so on the same page as far as style.

It made us very sad at how some of the homes in foreclosure have been so trashed. Why do people (either the owners or others) destroy homes? And how much work would we be willing to put into a rehab home?

Lots and lots of questions so last night we started praying for wisdom in the search and in the timing. It is fun to plan for our future.

Bad into Good

It sometimes amazes me how a situation that looks so horrible can produce good results.

The past few months have been tough to say the least - but as we work through the feelings, the hurt and financial challenges - we are growing in the Lord and we are growing together.

Brian is an amazing man. I respect the fact that he made a mistake, admitted it, repented and has humbled himself and asked forgiveness of so many people. He is reaching out trying to reconcile relationships. Yes, there are consequences, and we are working through many of them, but God is blessing our socks off.

We are closer than ever, the future is full of hope and we are serving our Lord. God is SO very good!

San Francisco is for Lovers!

Wednesday Vicki went to the office while Brian played tourist. In the afternoon, Brian found a way to take the public transportation to the AT&T ball park. Since he knew my knees would bother me from all the walking, he found a route that took us from the hotel right to the front of the stadium. We purchased seats in the upper deck in the left field area and had a wonderful view of the bay and Covey Cove. Of course we ate dinner at the park and saved room for those wonderful garlic fries (thank goodness they come with a mint!). The game was between the Giants and the Rockies and we really did not care who won, we just wanted to see a game at the park. Giants lost 4-3, oh well.

Thursday evening after Vicki worked (Brian played tourist all day), we went into Fisherman's Wharf where we enjoyed a wonderful view and meal at Bubba Gump Shrimp Company. Vicki even ate shrimp. After dinner, we walked the wharf and enjoyed a hot fudge sundae at Ghirardelli's.

Saturday we took a winery tour in the Napa Valley. We started our tour at the Ferry Building in SF and took shuttle bus across the Golden Gate Bridge into Napa. We visited four wineries and had a wonderful picnic style lunch at a little boutique type winery - Vi Satturi. The weather was great and the scenery was gorgeous. Following the tour we took a ferry boat across the bay from Vallejo back to SF. We concluded our day (and trip) with a great pizza dinner before returning to the hotel to pack for our early morning return flight.

We had an absolutely amazing week (even though I spent the days working!). It was fun to explore, have no plans and just be together. More pictures may follow....

We are looking forward to returning to San Francisco some day. God is so good to us.

Anticipation

We are going to have a blast in San Francisco. We were there three years ago for a long weekend, this time it will be for six days.

Sometimes I think the anticipation of the trip and planning is as much fun as the actual trip. I would imagine we will spend some time planning our next adventure.

There are so many places we want to go. It is bittersweet that many of them we are doing as a couple rather than a family. I can't wait until the day when we take our children and grandchildren on trips....

Until then - we will just keep checking places out, admiring God's creation and spending time with each other.

God is good.

Growing in Christ

God is so good. Had a great time of worship on the way to work this morning - listened to the words "how great is our God, how great is our God, how great is our God...."

Even though the past few months have been a journey I would not chose, God is blessing our socks off. Brian is an amazing man - so full of the Spirit. I have so much respect for the fact he was willing not only to repent, but he has become so full of passion for our Lord.

I am watching him grow and mature. And, we are growing together in Jesus. It brings me such joy to watch as his other relationships are restored - can't wait until Saturday night when we are spending time with some incredible Christian brothers and sisters, need to take the tissues!!

It is so true that real strength is shown in gentleness. He is not only a man of God, but he is full of integrity and grace.

Next week we get to go away for six days to San Francisco. While I will be working during the days - our evenings and weekend are going to be a blast.

God IS good.

Hugs

Brian is absolutely the best hugger.

I had a busy/crappy day at work, one of my staff gave her notice. While I understand and know this is the best decision for her - I hate hiring!! But it is the opportunity to realign duties which is a good thing.

So I got an incredible hug when Brian walked in the door. Now we get to cuddle. He is pretty good with that too!!!

God has blessed us. I am so excited about our future.

Peaceful Weekend

This has been such a peaceful weekend. Just spending time together and fixing up the house.

Yesterday I made Rice Krispy Treats, cut up lots of fruit and vegetables and we grilled burgers for dinner. Today I have cinnamon rolls rising and am going to try my hand at dehydrating potatos.

By the end of the day all the pictures will be hung. It was so fun last night to sit and decide what is going where, reliving all the fun times we have had and looking forward to the times we will have in the future (San Francisco - here we come!).

God has truly blessed us.

God's Victory

Today, Brian met with his parents to discuss recent events with our separation and our plans for the future. Brian was a little nervous as the relationship in the past had been strained by various attitudes of all of us. During the separation, things have been said by all sides that cause us all hurt.

After praying for God to show up in a big way and grant Brian the strength and wisdom needed to help him get through, God got the victory..........Brian was able to maintain a relationship that had been previously restored and was able to talk with his parents about moving forward and maintaining an open relationship with his parents, sister and children.

Although this process might take a while, God is bigger than we are and will guide us through the entire process. All of us can not wait to get together to begin building a stronger relationship than before.

Go God.

Progress Note

This is great......I hacked into Vicki's blog.

Well let me start out by saying how great things are going since we have gotten back together. There are a few issues that are lingering such as several phone calls or text messages that I have chosen to go unanswered. Yes, I know I have thought about using the courts to curb this harassment from all the individuals involved but have chosen to take the higher road.

God is working in big ways. We are so excited to see where all of this will lead us as we heal our wounds. Had a great weekend last weekend camping on the rim. It was so great just to lay in each others arms and see the stars and listen to the thunder as the evening storm rolled in.

Both Jay and David are doing great and we can see that they are relaxed now that their mom and dad are together. There are still things that require attention between myself and the family but I am convinced that God will get me through this and will get the glory in the end.

Until then thank you to all who have stood by us and encouraged us during the storm.

Camping Weekend

We went camping at Milk Ranch Point this weekend and had an amazing time. It was our first camping trip without children - we did miss them while setting up and breaking down camp.....

Through the entire weekend we only saw six other people - two horseback riders, two mountain bikers and two on a quad. It was great.

One of the best parts was sitting at the edge of the rim - doing our SOAPs, talking about what God is teaching us, where we have been and where we are going, and just admiring what the Creator has done.

God has blessed us with an amazing marriage that is growing stronger day by day. The words of Paul come to mind "...what satan meant for evil, God has turned to good".

God is so good. We are so blessed.

Love

Have been reading through 1, 2 and 3 John. It is overwhelming how much God loves us.

1 John 3:1 - How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!!

The word lavished really sticks out to me - it is not just loving us, but showering love and blessings on us, giving us more than we asked for or even deserve.

Abba has been so good to us recently. I am just basking in His love as He is restoring, reconciling and healing. The love is growing in every area. We are SO blessed.

While we have been dealing with some pain and hurts, the love is overshadowing everything. The key we have found is love equals Jesus. Jesus along with the Holy Spirit is holding all together to the glory and majesty of His name.

God IS good. We are blessed.

Answered Prayer

God is so good.

For months I had been praying for the reconciliation of Brian and God knowing once that happened our marriage would be on the way to healing.

Not only did God bring Brian home into His arms - but He is working miracles in our lives. We are learning more about each other, we are growing in love with our Savior and with each other. We have so many blessings being showered on us.

One of the amazing things is how some of the family relationships that had been strained are now full of love and acceptance.

It is so incredible to me how not only did God answer my prayer (and those of so many others) but He went beyond what I could even imagine. My husband is restored and he is the most amazing man in the world for me. Our marriage was not broken and the covenant is solid.

We have the rest of our lives together and eternity. God is so good.

Treated like a Princess

God is good. The past few weeks have been busy and full of growth. This weekend was amazing.

We left after breakfast at the Goodyear Swap Meet ($3.00 breakfast!) and headed for Sedona. Our hotel wasn't ready so we headed to the restaurant where we had our first date (his idea!). After we headed to Flagstaff for the Chris Tomlin concert stopping along the way to check out some camping spots.

We had over three hours of worship. God was moving. It was just a little taste of heaven to be worshipping for several hours. It was good too because my knees didn't hurt very much. He parked in preferred parking so our walk to the car was minimal.

It was wonderful to be treated like a princess. I am so blessed.

Boys in the House

God created me to be a Mom. When I got home from work today there was a house full of boys. While the may loud, make disgusting sounds and be a tad on the vulgar side - I love having them around.

They left swimming towels all through the house, hung dripping shorts on door handles - and they hit on some girl at the pool - she was texting all of them.

My refrigerator is a little barer and there are lots of dishes in the dishwasher.... but there are some young men who had a good time.

God is so good to me.

Healing

The healing has started. God is so good. There was an incident a couple of weeks ago that divided Jay and I. Upon the advise of someone I love deeply I sent Jay a text this morning asking him to call. He did.

I apologized for cutting off contact without telling him why. He then said, "I am the one who needs to ask forgiveness, I was wrong."

We talked for about 30 minutes not only about what happened but about life in general. It was good. He is maturing.

He stopped by the house tonight so I could meet his girlfriend. We talked some more. He was respectful and loving. He told me about his job search. I am so proud of him.

Jay has not always made the best choices, but it looks like he is learning and wanting to improve himself. It is not easy to admit you have messed up - but he has and he is trying to make life better.

God has great plans for Jay. I love him so much!!

Be Still

It has been an odd day. Emotionally I have been all over the board. So tonight after doing some ironing I sat down to read. Some of the first words I read were Psalm 46:10 - Be still and know that I am God.

So I started crying. I so wanted a hug (physical touch is my second love language) and the most amazing thing happened. It was almost as if someone wrapped their arms around me and really hugged me - not the wimpy kind - but the full body, rocking hug. I felt warm all over. I felt peaceful.

It is so cool being wrapped in the arms of God. He is my Comforter, my Protector, my Lord. He loves me so much. He is taking care of me every step of the way.

Wedding Post 5

When you have a wedding two hours away, there is the realization not everyone will come. We invited the core of our Small Group (we multiplied in April but there are ten original families). Five of the families were there to support us.

Quite honestly - I don't know how people make it without a Small Group - these people have loved on me, prayed with me and been there over the past two months. They are reaching out to Brian because they love him so much and miss him deeply.

Until walking through this storm, I never realized how important our Christian friends are. Guess that may be why Scripture says - Forsake not the gathering together.

We are truly blessed.

Death

Sitting here thinking about death. Two people who work for me have experienced it in the last week. One knows the Lord, the other doesn't.

Makes me sad when someone I have met is going to spend eternity in hell. But isn't that true of lots of people I interact with every day? While I hope they see Jesus in me, where is my responsibility? In the workplace I have already crossed the line in sharing my faith.

Then my mind wanders to the superstition death normally comes in threes.... Someone I love more than life itself said he wasn't sure life was worth it. How do you reassure someone you love so much life is worth it - pain is fleeting, weeping endures for the night but joy comes in the morning? It is the greatest pains that bring the greatest joys.

I am getting way to philisophical. I am convinced I need to spend a lot more time praying for those I love and those who I am involved with. Ultimately it is individual choice that determines where we will spend eternity. I want to live my life boldly so others see Jesus in me.

God is so good.

Getting Fit

Sitting here looking at some pictures from three years ago - 74 pounds heavier than I am right now. Great motivation to take off another 26.

So I am going over to swim for a while. I think next weekend I will go camping. While the hiking will be painful on the knees, it will be good to get out in nature. And, I will appreciate the new knees so much more!!

Need to go through my closet and get rid of some stuff too. May have to go back to Goodwill to find clothes that fit. Can't believe I have gone down four sizes.

I have the best reason for doing this. Wish I had done it sooner.

God is so good.

Forgiveness

SOAP today was in 1 Peter, chapter 4:7-8 The end of all things is near. Therefore, be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray. Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins.

I believe we are in the end times, I am praying this season of my life will be over soon. Perhaps that is why the devil is so active in the lives of those who love Jesus - the devil is damned to hell and is trying to take everyone he can with him.

So those of us who love Jesus need to keep our eyes on Him and pray.

Interesting we are told to love deeply. The world today tells us to move on, that love dies. This is NOT scriptural. Because love, especially when we substitute the name of Jesus for love, forgives and forgives and forgives. Love is a commitment. The deep love of Jesus cannot be broken by sin.

I am so thankful for the love Jesus showed me on the cross and the love He shows me every single day. I want to love like He does and forgive like He does. That is deep love.

God is so good.

More Prayer

Still reading the book and this is cool on why prayers aren't being answered:

If the request is wrong, God says "No."

If the timing is wrong, God says "Slow."

If you are wrong, God says "Grow." (Isaiah 59:2, Isaiah 1:18)

But if the request is right, the timing is right and you are right, God says, "Go!"

Pretty cool stuff - I am learning so much about prayer and my Abba Father.

Prayer

Reading Bill Hybels book ' Too Busy NOT to Pray'. He makes the following statement which really encourages me:

..shift the focus of your prayer. Don't spend a lot of time describing your mountain to the Lord. He knows what it is. Instead, focus your attention on the mountain mover - His glory, power and faithfulness. Then start walking in faith, following his leading and watch that mountain step aside.

I am so excited to have a quiet weekend to focus on Abba Father - how amazing He is, how much He loves me and how He is taking care of me. He is taking care of every aspect of my life. I just have to walk with Him in faith. He is in control.

Emotional Roller Coaster

The last week has been an emotional roller coaster. The beauty and joy of Kara and Tom's wedding. The tragedy of having two of my staff dealing with death (mother and son). The excitement of having our students at camp in Durango. So much going on.

Have several friends who are making serious decisions that will impact lots of people and possibly cause a lot of hurt. I was talking with one friend about their decision - Scripture is clear on what the decision should be. Yet my friend doesn't like either hurting people or confrontation. So the decision is not being made, which is probably causing more pain. Praying the Holy Spirit will be mightily at work to resolve each of these situations to the glory of God.

With all that is going on I can't help but wonder if Jesus is coming to rapture His people soon. (Personally, I would be thrilled!). So many people under attack, so much hurt. Yet I had another friend say he believes we are on the edge of revival.... That would be pretty cool too.

Just praying that through whatever happens - my life will glorify the Lord. God is so good.

Vision

My friend Tom just shared an incredible vision with me.

We were talking about prayer and how sometimes it seems they go unanswered. He said each prayer is like a drop falling into a lake. At some point, one drop will send the answer to the prayers over the wall of the dam and will flood the recipient.

It is the accumulation of ALL the prayers by ALL the people that cause the answer to come.

As I have been thinking about this - I think the tears that are being shed are also falling into the lake mixing with the prayers. Interesting how our most earnest prayers bring the most tears...

When God's time is perfect, then the dam will burst and there will be a flood of blessings!!

A flood is coming soon!!

Waiting

I am waiting on God. Waiting for Him to reveal the path I am to follow. I don't like this waiting.

There are so many things I want to do, but I can't because I am in this holding pattern. Over the past few months God has spoken through Scripture to me at least three times a week - Stand Firm. Recently He has been telling me to Be Still.

I don't know what He is doing or where He is leading me. I know He has promised me in Psalm 37:4 - Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Funny thing - my deepest desire is to glorify God wherever He leads me.

I love Him so much. So I will wait while He is preparing what is best for me.

More Tragedy

Another tough day at work. Barb who works for me has a 41 year old son with no brain activity. He has been on dialysis for years. They will be taking him off life support on Saturday.

Brings back memories of my Dad. I remember the first song Brian and I heard on the radio driving home was Mercy Me - I Can Only Imagine. I miss my Dad.

So next week I will be down two and a half people. Mary is working limited hours as she just had surgery on her foot and her daughter is fighting breast cancer.

I guess the good thing has been - praying with some of my staff. A couple of weeks ago I shared with them what was going on in my life, why I had been so grumpy. I was also able to share the love of Jesus with them. So, the pain has been worth it to have people grow closer to God.

God is good.

Praying

I love it when God wakes me up to pray for someone.

There is so much power in prayer.

God is good.

Forgiveness

Was talking with a friend today about forgiveness.

He asked "How do you forgive when you have been hurt so deeply?"

My initial repsonse was "I want to be like Jesus, so I follow His example and forgive."

As I have been thinking about it, it has really hit me how much Jesus gave up for me. He said I love you this much - then, with outstreched arms, he died, the story doesn't end there because He rose again.

Forgiveness is actually easy - I just think about all the things I have been forgiven of. There is no pain, no action, no words that cannot be forgiven when thought of in the light of the cross.

My friends, we are forgiven, we need only embrace it.

Peace

I am so blessed. I am surrounded by so many people loving on me. Most importantly I have Abba holding me so close in His arms.

The future is a complete unknown except for the fact that I have Jesus. He is walking with me and He is about to shower me with blessings. The storm is coming to an end, I can see the clouds breaking. I have such peace.

Maybe that is what it is all about - being at peace, even in the midst of the storm.

Hope

I love God. Just when things seem to be the bleakest, He provides hope.

It is amazing to me how many times over the past few weeks He has:

• Sent just the right person to encourage
• Revealed a truth
• Hugged me
• Led me to a Scripture
• Shown me a sign (yes, I believe God still gives us signs!)
• Provided hope

God is working in my life in ways I do not understand, nor do I need to understand. My purpose is to glorify Him in every word I speak, every deed I do and every thought I think.

God is good and He is on the throne!

Wedding Post 4

One of the nicest things about the wedding - the number of our friends who shared the day. Out of our small group there were five families who came up: Paul and Paige Lewis, Steve and Terri Balsley, Bruce and Beth Temple, Craig and Ernestina Onstad and Gary and Carol Hartman.

Other than the Lewis' and the Balsleys' none of them know Kara and Tom. They came to support us. So cool they are sharing life.

We are so blessed with friends who care so much. Guess that is what the family of God is all about!

Wedding Post 3

It was such a beautiful wedding. Kara is beautiful. And I was called beautiful.

Guess I look at myself pretty negatively - fat, gray haired and rejected.

I walked into the office to schedule a massage (thanks to my sister!). Amanda was in the office. She said - I know you are the mother of the bride but I don't know your name. I told her Vicki.

She said - Vicki, you are so beautiful, but you look so sad.

I can't wait until the sadness has passed and all that comes out of me is the beauty that comes from having a relationship with the Lord.

I am so blessed.

Unexpected Pain

It has been an interesting day. I anticipated spending it with my sister who is visiting from Seattle. Instead I spent the morning in a hospital room with one of my staff.

Janis was involved in an accident Saturday morning where the car she was in was hit head on by a drunk woman. Janis' mom was killed. She is bruised up and hurting (physically and emotionally).

Then I went to my office to share with them what was going on. Lots of tears.

Now I am home with a list of things I should be doing. There is only one thing I really want to do and I can't do it. Think some time with the Lord will help me with the hurt in my heart right now. God is so good at comforting!

Wedding Post 2

This weekend David cried so many tears. Though I know many of them were joyful tears for his sister and Tom.

Many of them were caused by someone he loves deeply who is not walking with the Lord.David humbled himself and asked this person to do something and was told no. After he hung up the phone, he sobbed his eyes out. Chelsea told me what happened. I was able to hold my baby and assure him he is loved and that when people walk away from the Lord they do selfish things and none of this is his fault.

I pray he realizes soon he can't save everyone! He is growing into such a man of God. Though he said he understands....the pain is evident in his eyes.

Wedding Post 1

This is the first of probably many blogs about the wedding.

While the "real" pictures won't be ready until I have no clue when - there were LOTS of cameras. Not sure who took these but they are great.

Of course the wedding was beautiful. Lots of prayers were answered - though it rained Friday afternoon it didn't rain on Saturday until about 6:30. Then it poured. There was lightening and thunder. The temperatures must have dropped 25 degrees.

The afternoon was a tad warm until the breezes kicked up.

Kara is beautiful - we are so blessed. The cool thing - her beauty is not only external, it comes from within.

Tom cried through much of the wedding - it is so obvious how much in love they are.

I can't wait to see where God leads them!

Waiting

This morning had a wonderful time with God. He is giving me so much wisdom (James 1).

He is showing me this is a time of waiting in my life. I am waiting to see where He is going to lead me. I know the things I want in my life and have given them all to Him. It is so amazing to think that whatever He gives back to me He will have been working on for months. Look what He did in seven days!!

While it may not seem anything is going on - I know God is hearing and honoring my prayers. He is taking me from glory to glory. He loves me so much and He is holding me so close. Sometimes I actually feel His hugs!

So during this wating time, I hold on to hope and rely on His strength.

Isaiah 40:28-31 - Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Praise

Still in Hebrews, still amazed at how much God loves us.

Chapter 13, verse 15-16 - Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise - the fruit of lips that confess his name. And do not forget to do good and to share with others for with such sacrifices God is pleased.

Reminds me of the verse in 1 Samuel 15:22 - To obey is better than sacrifice.

So we should continually be praising God, doing good and sharing Him - but even more important to Him is that we obey the laws He has given us.

I think when we are obeying God, praise is a natural outflow. We are in relationship with Him we want to do the things He asks.

He is so worthy of praise - sometimes I think about the price He paid and can't take it all in. To go through the pain, the agony, the rejection... all because He loves me. My only response can be Praise to the King of Kings.

Kara

My baby daughter is getting married. I am so proud of her. She and Tom have done it by themselves.

I admire the fact they will have a covenant marriage through the state - lots of premarital counseling and should they ever want to part, they would have to go through more counseling. They are spiritually on the same page.

While she hasn't always made the best decisions, she is taking responsibility. She is reaching out to others who are hurting. She is demonstrating love and servanthood. I am proud of the woman she has become. I am excited to see where the Lord leads them as a couple.

My heart is sad because one thing she truly wants will probably not happen. All I can do is pray her day is amazing and beautiful, full of love of family and friends. It will be bittersweet.

Faith - Part 2

Still in Hebrews - what an amazing book. How did I miss it all these years?

Chapter 10, verses 39-40 - These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised. God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect.

So as I walk in faith (which is the only option I have right now) I will be blessed. Not only blessed, but something better for us. I am so thankful that God knows what I really need - not what I ask for.

He is so faithful to me. I want to be faithful and obedient to Him. He is giving me just enough light to let me see the baby steps I am taking. Yet spiritually, the steps He is growing me into are huge. I am learning so very much about my Abba Father.

I am blessed.

Faith

As I finished my SOAP tonight I glanced ahead (sometimes it is hard to stop reading the Word of God, there is so much good stuff in it!).

Hebrews 11:1 - Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

That so describes my life right now - walking in faith. I know what I hope for and I am certain God will bring about miracles.

Jesus is holding me close as I take one step at a time. Sometimes it seems there is only enough light to take a baby step. But that is okay, I am moving forward. It is my faith that will see me through to Heaven.

God is so good.

Tears

Woke up in the middle of the night and reached over for Brian. Then realized, he isn't here.

It hurts. Yet, my heart holds on to the hope of reconciliation. I know God is big enough to work things through. And I know reconciliation is the desire of God's heart.

I take comfort in all of the tears I shed are being held by my Lord. He will take all of my tears and turn them into diamonds. Those diamonds will be placed on the crown He will give me at the judgement. Then, according to Scripture, I will toss the crown at His feet in honor and praise.

Without great pain there cannot be great joy. The great joy is coming - the angels will be dancing. God is good.

Tough Questions

Had a wonderful time of fellowship this evening with the folks involved in Student Ministries. It is so good to be back serving.

Had an interesting coversation about someone who is no longer serving. We were chatting about why they have turned away from God. This is a question I am struggling with right now. Why would someone, after experiencing the joy of Jesus and His salvation, turn away? Did things get too tough? Did they lack faith? Did they ever have faith?

And beyond those questions - I wonder, what is my responsibility? Obviously I am going to pray. But what should happen to bring someone back to the Lord?

And then my mind continues - what about the people around who have been touched by someone walking away from the Lord? What about their pain? How do I know who has even been affected?

Perhaps it all comes down to faith. I have to do what my Father has called me to do - pray for everything and talk to those He lays on my heart. He is in control. I love the passage in Romans 8 where it talks about the Holy Spirit intercedes with groans too deep for understanding.

That is the passage I claim - the Holy Spirit is taking care of the situation. I just am going to rest in Abba Father's arms.

Zeke

Last night I spent time with Zeke. Haven't seen much of him lately. He say me and screamed "Micki" and ran across the room. There is something about the unconditional love of an almost four year old that melts your heart.

We spent time "playing" ping pong. He kept grabbing my hand and pulling me along. When our time was over, he kept telling Tasha - "I want to go home with Micki". We told him when David is back in town he can come over for a weekend.

I am so thankful to have Tasha, Zeke and Sprae in my life. I am so thankful for the love of a little one.

God is good.

Words of Wisdom

My friend Gayle McAleese wrote the following:

As usual God's timing is always perfect. Do any of you need to be reminded of this as I did in this chapter in my life? It’s always great to be reminded and comforted by God’s word.

The problems you face will either defeat you or develop you - depending on how you respond to them. Unfortunately, most people fail to see how GOD wants to use problems for good in their lives. They react foolishly and resent their problems rather than pausing to consider what benefit they might bring. Here are five ways GOD wants to use the problems in your life:

1. GOD uses problems to DIRECT you. Sometimes GOD must light a fire under you to get you moving. Problems often point us in a new direction and motivate us to change. Is God trying to get your attention? "Sometimes it takes a painful situation to make us change our ways." Proverbs 20:30

2. GOD uses problems to INSPECT you. People are like tea bags...if you want to know what's inside them, just drop them into hot water! Has GOD tested your faith with a problem? What do problems reveal about you? "When you have many kinds of troubles, you should be full of joy, because you know that these troubles test your faith, and this will give you patience." James 1:2-3 3.

3. GOD uses problems to CORRECT you. Some lessons we learn only through pain and failure. It's likely that as a child your parents told you not to touch a hot stove. But you probably learned by being burned. Sometimes we only learn the value of something...health, money, a relationship... by losing it. "It was the best thing that could have happened to me, for it taught me to pay attention to your laws." Psalm 119:71-72

4. GOD uses problems to PROTECT you. A problem can be a blessing in disguise if it prevents you from being harmed by something more serious. Last year a friend was fired for refusing to do something unethical that his boss had asked him to do. His unemployment was a problem - but it saved him from being convicted and sent to prison a year later when management's actions were eventually discovered. "You intended to harm me, but GOD intended it for good... Genesis 50:20

5. GOD uses problems to PERFECT you. Problems, when responded to correctly, are character builders. GOD is far more interested in your character than your comfort. Your relationship to GOD and your character are the only two things you're going to take with you into eternity.

"We can rejoice when we run into problems... they help us learn to be patient. And patience develops strength of character in us and helps us trust GOD more each time we use it until finally our hope and faith are strong and steady." Romans 5:3-4

Here's the point: GOD is at work in your life - even when you do not recognize it or understand it. But it's much easier and profitable when you cooperate with Him.

Feeling Good (and Bad)

My knees are hurting something horrible today. But, before too long, the pain will be a thing of the past. Just wish it could be done before October.....

But, mostly I am feeling great - my underwear is falling off!! So today I will go buy new underwear. Never thought this is something I would be excited to do!

I am within two pounds of my goal before the wedding on July 18 - have lost 38 pounds since March. Hopefully I can drop the other two in the next week.

I decided to keep going - I would like to get down another 25 or 30 pounds. It will be good for me - especially with the new knees. I can't wait to be able to hike again.

My only regret is I waited too long to get healthy. God is good.

The Family

I love our Home Team. They have wrapped their arms of love around me during this storm. They want to wrap their arms around Brian too.

For whatever reason yesterday was an emotional day, lots of tears. I was with Paige and Terri last night. They let me cry. Tonight we were all together and I only leaked twice!!!

It was different without Brian - I kept looking for him, then remembering. After 19+ years it is difficult to not have him around. I miss him a lot.

My friend asked me tonight if I would even take him back. Of course, our marriage is a covenant. God wants us to work through this so He can be glorified.

So God holds me up. He surrounds me with our Home Team, our Palm Valley family, our Tres Dias friends, our family all loving on me. I am blessed.

Quotes

Ran across some great quotes from Andy Stanley:

• In the midst of uncertainty God is still certain.
• Can you trust God when there is no evidence of His activity in your life?
• God seems to take broken things and do amazing work.
• The greatest things begin in the greatest messes.
• God STILL has the whole world in His hands.

What hope, what encouragement. God is good. He is still working miracles. I am so privileged to serve and love Him.

Crucifying Christ

Still SOAPing in Hebrews. Was reading in Chapter 6 about those who fallen away. The writer of Hebrews says "...because to their loss they are crucifying the Son of God all over again and subjecting him to public disgrace."

So every time I sin (whether intentional or not) I am putting another nail in my Savior or pushing another thorn into His head, or perhaps adding another lashing to His back. This is heavy.

Jesus, who willingly died for me, then defeated death by rising again - He suffers when I sin. So the remarks I make sarcastically - they hurt Him; the impure thoughts I have - they hurt Him; the times I don't reach out to another in love - He is hurt. I could go on and on.

I am so thankful for the grace and mercy Jesus shows. I am going to do my best to not hurt Him any more and live a life that will make Him smile.

Temptation

Our SOAPing has been in Hebrews.

Chapter 4:14-16 - Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are - yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

Chapter 5:7 - During the days of Jesus' life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission.

How cool is it that Jesus understands EVERYTHING we are tempted with. So when we are in a situation - we can cry out to Him and KNOW He hears and understands. He showed us how to pray with loud cries and tears in reverent submission. And we are told in

1 Corinthians 10:13 - No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so you can stand up under it.

AND, not only does He understand, but He will provide a way out as long as we put our trust in Him.

So as I am on this journey right now that I don't like, I can rest in the fact that Abba is walking with me, He understands everything I am going through, He will provide a way for me to stand firm. He loves me so much.

It is overwhelming the magnitude of God's love for His children. I am so blessed.

Games and Feelings

I was accused of playing games and manipulating today. All I was doing is protecting myself. After being verbally attacked yesterday by two different people (one expected, the other hurts like #%&*) my emotions are pretty raw, I didn't sleep much. The thought crossed my mind, since they are both so angry and full of hatred, would they do something to hurt me?

I feel afraid so I protect myself by not going near those who have threatened me. How is that playing games?

People play so many games rather than being honest. Feelings aren't right or wrong - they simply are. What we do with those feelings can be bad or good.

I love Brian so I pray for him. I am not going to play games and pretend I don't care - because I do. Our marriage is a covenant. It will be reconciled and healed, don't know when, I just trust the Father who never changes. He loves me, he is so deceived by the enemy.

God will honor my obedience. God always honors and blesses us when we are obedient to Him. More than anything else - I want to stand pure before my Lord and Savior. I want to hear the words "Well done."

The Battle Belongs to the Lord

1 Samuel 17:45-48 (parts) - I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel... and the whole world will know that there is a God in Israel. All those gathered here will know that it is not by sword or spear that the Lord saves; for the battle is the Lord's. Then David ran quickly toward the battle line to meet him (Goliath).

God has already won - I don't need to worry or fret. David ran out to face Goliath because he KNEW the battle was his.

For me - I don't need to deal with the satan with skin on who is in Brian's life. God will deal with her. God is on the throne. Brian is His child. The Shepherd will return the lost to the fold.

The battle belongs to the Lord. And when the battle is over - we will have a Victory Celebration.

Spiritual Warfare

I never realized spiritual warfare was so intense, nor have I ever been attacked for speaking the truth. Guess the Lord is letting me become more like Him.

So much going on right now. God is on the throne - He will be glorified. I am blessed to have a husband who loves me, even though he is confused right now. I am concerned about his safety, his health. I am praying he will reach out to Jesus.

Whatever happens, God is good. He loves me so much. He loves Brian. I hold on to the covenant of our marriage and know we will be reconciled.

Thank you Abba for holding me close. I love you.

Love Notes

Tonight I decided to go through some boxes. Yes, they are boxes we have moved several times. Threw away a lot of stuff. Then I ran across the bag from my Tres Dias weekend.....

As I sat and read through some of the stuff I cried and cried and cried. Then I got to the letter from Brian. Two pages of how much he loves me. So I cried some more. The funny thing is - he still tells me he loves me.

Through our marriage Brian gave me lots of love notes - I have many of them tucked in my Bible. Maybe that is the reason I believe we still have hope.

Last week he told me there is still a chance... so I continue to pray. God specializes in impossible situations so I will claim the blood of Jesus over our marriage and know that we will be reconciled.

I can't wait to get the next love note from Brian.

Pain

The knees are hurting today. Didn't sleep much last night, one of those nights where the physical pain and the emotional pain kept me up. The cool thing - spent a lot of time talking with God.

I know He is in control and He is working in ways beyond my understanding. I simply pray He works fast.

Am hoping to spend time with the one I love most today.

Prayer

The Holy Spirit is moving. I don't know how, God has just given me the assurance that in the spiritual realm - things are happening!!

Sometimes the whole concept of prayer is overwhelming. I ask God to work and He does. He doesn't always do what I think should be done. Sometimes things happen (or don't) because people have free will. But He works everything out for His glory and His honor.

I love talking to God. I am learning to love listening to Him. As our relationship is growing, and hopefully I am becoming more like Him, I am learning to trust Him. He knows what is best and He loves me so very much.

Brian has been so heavy on my heart - he is hurting so much. I am thankful I can lift him up to God and KNOW the Holy Spirit is moving.

Brian has some heavy decisions to make. Decisions that touch others and will impact eternity. He has the strength to make the obedient decision he just doesn't realize it! How I pray he follows the will of our Father.

Abba - move in Brian's life so he will make decisions that will glorify You. Be with his thoughts and his mind - clear away the confusion (for confusion is NOT from You Lord). Help him to turn to your Word and to those who are walking with you and not look to the world for answers. Give him the strength to return to the path to which You have called him. Help him to know he is loved, he is cherished, he is forgiven. Remind him of the price You paid for him. You loved him so much, you stretched out your arms and died. Thank you Lord for the victory we have through the blood of Jesus!!

Hope and the Unknown

My poor little brain is frazzled. I am still trying to figure out what happened in my marriage to cause Brian to leave or more importantly I am trying to get my mind around why Brian would blatently disobey God.


I shared with a friend of mine a vision God gave me. Brian and I are standing hand in hand at the edge of the Promised Land. Behind us are all the horrible things we have already endured - the trial, Brian's gambling addiction, being separated by work, death, challenges with children. In front of us is Jesus - holding out blessings - the home we looked at two months ago, our children, grandchildren, our goats - Nanny and Billy. Jesus is saying to Brian, the choice is yours - choose obedience and all the blessings and more are yours.

After sharing this with a wise friend he said - Vicki, there is more to your vision. I said "What?"

He said, next to Jesus is satan - he is holding lots of pretty things that will be temporary, they won't last as they are built on lies and deception, there is no basis but they are tempting. And satan is saying, choose me.

Our friend continued - he said, Vicki, you don't see satan because you are focused on the Lord. Brian is confused, therefore he is listening to both.

At this point Brian has chosen sin. Yet, I hold onto the hope he will return to God and will rest in the arms of his Savior. Abba Father is waiting for Brian to reach out. He so wants to hold him and rock him and take away all the pain.

I have hope.

Amazing David

David is an amazing man of God. I am so proud of him.

Over the past few weeks - he has stepped up and taken on the responsibilities his father and brother walked away from, he has done his best to protect me, he has walked closely with the Lord even though his heart is hurting.

David has reached out to a few men to help him through this time - that takes a lot of self-confidence and trust. He has maintained a positive attitude.

David has reached beyond himself, even when he was physically hurting, he would keep going knowing we were on a time frame.

Never once has David complained that Brian and Jay walked away from their responsibility - he has simply done what needs to be done. I know God will richly reward him for his obedience.

Through this storm - David has been a shining star.

Questions?

Been asking God a lot of why questions..... I love the fact that God doesn't get mad when I ask, that He wraps His arms of love around me and holds me telling me that ALL things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose.

So here are some of my questions:

• What went wrong?
• Why didn't Brian come to me so we could work things out?
• Why did satan chose Brian to go after?
• Why did Brian give into temptation?
• What happened to the passion Brian had for Jesus?
• How can Brian justify the sin he is living in?
• Why is he exposing our children to this sin?
• Isn't Brian afraid of the consequences of his actions?
• Why wasn't Brian willing to go for counseling?
• Why has Brian rejected all the people who are reaching out to him in love?
• When I asked him two days after he left, if you knew how much pain this would cause - would you make the same decision, he answered probably not - why did he continue down the road of sin?
• Why did you involve the children?
• Doesn't Brian hurt not being close to Jesus (he said he was stagnant)?
• When did Brian give up on God?

Those are just the ones I can think of right now - late at night in lots of pain.

I do have the assurance that God loves Brian and wants him to come home into His arms of love. It is just a matter of when and how it will happen.

Odd as it sounds - I love my husband. I want him restored to the Lord. I know this prayer will be answered.

Emotional Roller Coaster

It has been kind of a weepy day. Interesting because the last few have been relatively solid.

I miss Brian so much. Still wondering what happened. Still hoping and praying he will come to his senses and we can work this out. God specializes in the seemingly impossible.

More than anything though I want God to get the glory - whatever happens. My friend Penny was such an encouragement last night - she told me that my obedience to God will bring me blessings. I am trying so hard to keep my focus on Jesus. For now, He is my bridegroom. He is loving me. He is holding on to me.

This morning Dr. Doug confirmed both of my knees need to be replaced. He said he can't believe the pain I must be in - just from looking at the x-rays. In a way it is good to know the pain is real and there are options. He gave me cortisone shots in both knees, so far no relief.

Quite honestly, at this point I feel like a target of the evil one. He can take everything I have - but he can't take away Jesus.

I am so thankful for my Abba Father.

New Season

I don' t remember being so tired in all my life. We spent today packing and moving. Actually it went smoothly. Due to the quick circumstances we will end up giving away or throwing away some of the stuff we moved.

So tonight starts a new season. Not sure where God is taking me - but I trust Him. He loves me totally and completely. I am His daughter and since He is the King - I am a princess.

My heart hurts for Brian. He has so much anger inside. And I seem to be the recipient of his emotional vomit. Even with all that has happened - I love him. I am praying for him more now than I was.

Just as the shepherd went after the one sheep - I believe God will go after Brian until he is back in the herd. And I will keep praying for him.

God is good.

Pain

It is official. Brian has moved out. He wants a divorce.

Doesn't matter that God hates divorce, doesn't matter that I want to work it out, doesn't matter how much pain it is bringing to our children, doesn't matter that God will give us the wisdom and strength to work it out.

Really sucks. Right now God is holding me in His lap, rocking me, singing to me, telling me that all things work together for good and we will get through this together.

Though it seems hopeless - I still pray for reconciliation, I pray the man I love so much will return home, I pray we will have the opportunity to do life together. I pray he will fall back in love with Jesus.

I asked him tonight if he knew his decision would cause all of this pain - would be make the same decision..... He said he didn't know.

Abba Father - protect our children right now, hold them in Your arms of love. Hold all of us close to You. You are good.

Peace

I am so at peace. The past few months have been the worst of my life. The challenges have been intense and right now it looks like things aren't going to improve. But Jesus loves me.

This is not where I want to be in my life. It is not what I believe God had planned. But, because of free will, I am dealing with lots of challenges. I am so at peace.

The things that are being ripped from me - God will return to me tenfold. The blessings coming will be so much greater than I can even imagine because I am standing firm in my obedience to God - I am remaining faithful to Him.

Someday I get to stand before my Creator and I want to hear the words "Well done, my faithful servant."

God has filled me with peace and love. He will carry me through and then He is going to bless my socks off!!

God is in Control

I love the fact that God is in control. I don't have to worry or stress about what is going on or what might happen. He has it.

The people who try to go through life without God - how do they do it? Or the people who just partially believe what He says and compromise His word - how do they do it? Or the people who simply ignore what He says - how do they do it?

God will never leave or forsake me, He will meet all of my needs. He owns the cattle on a 1,000 hills. He knows the number of hairs on my head. He wants an intimate relationship with me.

Right now I simply rest in the arms of my Abba Father, knowing He is good and has my best in mind. I love Him so much!!

Prayer

"It is not enough to begin to pray," he advises us, "nor to pray aright; nor is it enough to continue for a time to pray; but we must patiently, believingly continue in prayer, until we obtain an answer; and further, we have not only to continue in prayer unto the end, but we have also to believe that God does hear us and will answer our prayers. Most frequently we fail in not continuing in prayer until the blessing is obtained, and in not expecting the blessing." - George Mueller

Found the above statement and it is so cool. The PUSH (pray until something happens) is similar but how often do I pray not expecting God to answer?? Where is my faith? I am learning to pray in faith, and God, who is faithful, will answer.

I can't wait to get to Heaven and talk with Jesus face to face!

Faith

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1

And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him. Hebrews 11:6

I am finding faith to be a much bigger concept than I once thought. It seems as I step out in faith, there is just another step to take. Perhaps that is the maturing process.

There are those who claim to have faith, but aren't growing. They sit in judgement of others. My heart breaks for those people.

My heart also breaks for those who justify their sin, who make excuses rather than just deal with it. God knows we have all sinned. He just wants us to repent and run into His arms. But I guess that whole repenting thing requires faith.

Amazing Husband

I have the most amazing husband. Brian is like David of the Bible - a man after God's own heart.

He has character, integrity, compassion and a servant's heart.

It is so cool to watch him in his new job - can't wait to see how God is glorified through him!

I am so in love with Brian.

Edge of the Promised Land

Over the past few months I have probably grown more in love with Jesus than ever before. It has also been the most painful months I have ever experienced.

I have chosen to follow the way of obedience to the Lord and do what He asks - even though it is contrary to what the world would say. The answers haven't come yet, but I know God is working.

Over the years we have overcome some really terrible things - being falsely accused (trial and all); addictions (that through the grace of God were overcome); accidents; deaths; living in different states; the foreclosure of our home, a rebellious child. I know that once this challenging time is over - we will be walking into The Promised Land.

God so wants to bless us. All the tears we have cried will be waiting for us as blessings. All the time we have lost will be given back to us. God is going to amaze us with what He has been preparing (after all He's been working on it for almost 20 years and look what He did in seven days!).

I am so thankful for hope.

Challenging Season

As we have been going through this challenging season in our lives I have turned to the Scripture and prayer for strength, guidance and comfort. Haven't been reading many other books.

One I have is the Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie OMartian. She wrote something that really struck me - We have to go through the pain to get to the joy. So if I extrapolate a bit - perhaps the greater the pain - the greater the joy will be. And in my mind, joy can be translated into blessings. So I am expecting fantastic blessings for us!!

I am amazed at how God ALWAYS sends words to me when I need them most. Sometimes He uses His Word, sometimes other books, sometimes people and sometimes it is the Holy Spirit whispering in my ear.

God is so good.

Judging

As a fully devoted follower of Christ sometimes I don't understand the way we believers treat each other. We have all sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and yet at times we judge.

Perhaps more confusing to me are those people who feel judged when they have not been. Is it the guilt of their sin? I see this in Jay so much. He is a different sort of person. He feels all people judge him when I don't think that is so.

There will always be people who will judge - but the bottom line is we will each stand before the Lord and answer for what we have done (even those who falsely judge!)

The most important thing is - when we realize we have sin in our life - confess it, repent of it and ask forgiveness. The cool thing - God wants to forgive us. He desires that we walk in fellowship with Him. He wants us reconciled to Himself.

I have a picture in my mind of God sitting on the front porch, waiting for me to come to Him. Then, He takes me in His arms, He rocks me and loves on me telling me how very much He loves me and how glad He is I am home.

Reconnecting

Today I reconnected with an old friend. It was good. She is such a woman of faith. She was able to encourage me and she said I encouraged her.

It was kind of interesting, a nudge from the Holy Spirit to phone her. She was working late, normally she would have been gone.

Sometimes you wonder why the Holy Spirit brings friends to mind. Perhaps it is to say a prayer. Perhaps it is to make a phone call. Perhaps it is to encourage.

I am so glad I followed the leading of the Spirit. I should do it more often!

Questioning God

I am questioning God. I love that He is big enough for me to do this.

Why is He taking so long to answer my prayers? I know what I am praying is totally in His will as it follows Scripture. Yet, the answer is slow in coming.

Perhaps it all comes down to Romans 8:28 For we know that all things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose. It's all working together - just not on my time.

I can't wait to be in Heaven, no sin, no hurt, no tears. Just get to be with Jesus all the time plus the people I love so much.

Just need to trust Him - He is in control.

Catching Up

It has been awhile since I blogged. I have a Facebook. I think I like blogging more - more room to vent my feelings, and fewer people reading.



Over the past two plus months I have learned so much about God. How faithful He is to me, how much He listens to me, how much He protects me.



I have total faith God is working even now to bring glory to Himself through the deep waters we are in. All things work together for good to those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.



He is a God of order. The challenge I face right now is not knowing how He is working - I have to rest in the fact He IS working.

I am blessed with an amazing husband, great children. I have no room to complain.

Love Dare

Brian and I are doing the Love Dare journal. It is really cool. Each evening we are reading the devotional - then we have an assignment for the next day.

So far it has been pretty easy - don't say anything negative, do a kind act, buy something special. It is fun to think of things to do for Brian. Since I truly enjoy serving him and doing things for him, it has been somewhat challenging to think of new things to do.

It is also interesting to see what he does for me. He is so creative.

It is good to go to the roots of our marriage and work on the stuff that we have not focused on because we have been doing life and children. God is going to use this to bring us closer and to a deeper level of intimacy. I am so excited!!

Peace

Recently I have felt so peaceful. There are LOTS of things in my life right now that are in a state of flux. But, thank you Lord, I am at peace.

Last Saturday I was able to spend some time evaluating where we are, how God is working and the options I have. It all comes down to - God is so in control.

That is a huge lesson I am learning - giving up control.

It is working wonderfully in our marriage too. For too long I tried to take control of everything - now I have stepped back and am letting Brian be the head of the house. I am so stupid for not doing this sooner. Things are working amazingly.

I guess when we follow the laws God has established - it works that way.

Blessed

I am blessed.

• An amazing Heavenly Father who sent Jesus just for me.
• A Holy Spirit who is always with me.
• A husband who loves me.
• A husband who is a GREAT Dad.
• A husband who is also my friend.
• Children who are growing in the Lord.
• A secure job.
• A home to live in.
• Fairly stable finances.
• We live in a free country

Even though we are in the midst of challenges - I am blessed, AND a day closer to eternity with Jesus.

Challenges

It has been awhile since I blogged. The few days after we returned were busy with Brian's elbow. Thank you Lord it is healing (though still painful).

Brian started his new job on Tuesday. He seems to reallly like it though the ten hour days in a classroom are wearing him out! It is fun to fix him breakfast and pray together before we leave for work.

I am so weary. There are so many situations going on in our lives right now that I just don't understand. I am trying so hard to be faithful and peaceful - but the enemy is attacking with gusto.

One of the hardest things I am dealing with is watching those I love make bad decisions, especially when they know the truth. They know obedience to God is the only way to receive blessings. And I am caught in the crossfire. The bad decisions of others are bringing me down (and probably holding blessings from me).

Through it all, through it all I've learned to trust in Jesus, I've learned to trust in God. He will be there for me. He will carry my burdens (Psalm 68:19).

And I am learning to pray at a deeper level - the level where it hurts. Jesus is making me a little bit more like Him.

I will be very glad when this season of our lives is over. Brian and I have a wonderful future full of grace and peace.

A Peaceful Weekend

Brian and I had a wonderful four days up in Laughlin. We left early Friday morning and came home Monday afternoon. We had no specific plans, just hung out - gambled a little, went to Oatman, laid out on the beach, watched some movies. Just spent time together.

The only sad part is Brian has an infection in his elbow. The doctor put him on some heavy duty antibiotics. One of the side effects is having to use the bathroom, sometimes suddenly!!

We came home so he could have it drained, while it still hurts - Dr. Doug is very encouraged though he said it could take several weeks to heal.

Brian has a physical agility test on Thursday. I know God is going to give him the strength to score well.

I am beginning to realize I need to take more time to relax, just do nothing. Spend time with the people I love, rest in God. Give more encouragement, more hugs, more love.